Sentances

[pippin the mighty]

I am going to start a comedy topic, were you can post any funny, interesting sentances, speeches Ect.

To start it off...

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


Enjoy.

[Firetooth]

ok...
me:Whats big, green, and if falls out of a tree will kill you?
some loser:idk
me:a snooker table
...
not funny...
DOCTOR DOCTOR I ONLY HAVE 59SECONDS TO LIVE OMGOSH!
wait a minute please...

[Haydee]

Haikus are easy,
but sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

[Firetooth]

If you read this you have been owned by FiretoothTM

Copyrighted 2008 by Firetooth Owns Industries

[pippin the mighty]

The object of war is NOT to die for your country,
its to make the other          die for his.

(On a magnet on my fridge...)
If god wanted you to bend over, he would of put diamonds on the floor.

I don't have all day, lucky for you it's night!

[Gen. Volkov]

Don't misquote Patton! Yeesh! The quote goes:

"No doot ever won a war by dying for his country.
He won it by making the other poor dumb doot die for his country." - General George S. Patton

[thomaskreisman]

Don't misquote Patton! Yeesh! The quote goes:

"No [fatherless child] ever won a war by dying for his country.
He won it by making the other poor dumb [fatherless child] die for his country." - General George S. Patton

ya I new that was a quote from somebody, I just couldn't think of who.