October Titles

[The Lady Shael]

 Hehe, this is terrific so far. ^_^ I can almost see it all happening...too bad RWLcon never went through.

[Hog Pigsly]

When the news breaks, turn to Hog Pigsly at KWRL. We are going now to the Admin spokesperson, StormClaw, from the pressroom to make the official announcement about the sniper. Storm ?

(          Buzz          )

Seems we are having some technical difficulties, back to you Storm ?

(          Buzz          )

Ah, we can?t reach StormClaw right now, but I have read the press release. The Admin Castle is reporting that the oatmeal sniper assailant has been caught. The name has not been released, but he is said to be a relatively unknown tourist. He is being held in the castle pending questioning. I for one am delighted. Now we can get back to the ceremony.

The halftime show has just begun as Calria is lining up her grammatically correct pigeons to recite a corrected version of the old scrolls. This should be highly interesting as the ?

This just in! Seems a close member of the Admin Castle has rumored that there is a cover up. It is being reported that the true assailant was none other then Boze! Unsubstantiated documents in the past have indicated that due to a mental illness, Boze has been kept in one of the highest ? (*smack*) OUCH! What the (postage stamp) did you do that for? ? ? I never heard of ? (*smack*) Now stop that! ? ? Where does it say that? ? ? No one told me that ? (*Smack*). I have to do what? ? ? That is just plan crazy? (*smack*) Okay, that hurts, I?ll do it.

I am now reading from the royal book of mossflower proclamations. (clears thought) It says here:

?Anyone that states, implies or otherwise indicates that Boze is mentally unstable will be hit on the head with a wet cabbage until he/she reads this law out loud and has revealed all their sources. ~ signed Boze?

Okay, will you guys get that cabbage out of my booth now? (*smack*) Hey I read the stupid law!!! ? ? No! I can?t reveal my sources, they are constitutionally protected under the (*smack*) Ouch! I said that ? (*smack*). Fine then, I got the tip from Dead Eye Investigations, there now, leave, I have a show to do. (*smack*) Now what is that for? ? ? awww, goodness hay stocks, now that is getting really cheap. (*smack*) Come on, it is no big deal for me to say that.

This is Hog Pigsly at KRWL and this station does not endorse Dead Eye Investigations and any similarity to a commercial endorsement was purely accidental because Dead Eye has not paid us any money.

I am sorry for you listeners that I was unable to turn off the microphones as the Admin Guards were in my booth. We will now get back to the show.

Calria is walking off the stage with her grammatically correct pigeons and the ceremony is now about to continue.

Retto is again taking the microphone. ?Come on everyone, lets hear it for Calria?s pigeons!? (clap) ?Now for our next Knight to present, I give you from the shadows ? Sir Ereptor.? (applauds)

There is a slight delay as two Admin Guards are pulling Dead Eye from the stage as a third one is hitting him in the head with a wet cabbage.

Sir Ereptor steps up to the front of the stage. He is now lowering his head to retto, the other knights, the castle, then finally the crowd. Screams are heard as he slowly raises his head and reveals his deep eyes seemingly to be burning through the hearts of the crowds.

(Ereptor) ?I have been here a long time and have made both many friends and enemies. I was rather surprised that the decision of the Admins was to give me the next candidate. Then I thought deeper to the ultimate wisdom. This candidate and I have had some fallings out over the ages, and maybe some in the future, but I learned this week that as knights, it is not who we fight, but what we fight for.  I give you your newest knight ? Orcrist.? (applauds)

Orcrist is now on stage and kneels in the center of the three Admins. The wolf lays his swords on the shoulder of Orcrist. Shael walks up and gives him a flower.  She pats him on the head and he looks up at her with a smile.  

(Retto) ?With the power of Redwall, I dub you ?

Ereptor puts his arm over Orcrist?s shoulder and the two of them walk to the back of the stage with the other knights.

Please stay tuned to this station because when we get back the last canadate will be knighted and the closing ceremony will commence.

And now a few words from our sponsor


(To be continued ?)

[The Lady Shael]

 I remember being Orcrist's apprentice in EO...and then I think he was my assistant when Stormy handed the clan to me. And then I was his diplomat in VU.  And he also stole the throne from Ragefur, who so deceitfully snatched it away from me. ^_^ Yay Orcrist!

(*can hardly wait till the last candidate because she likes the title, came up with it herself* ^_^)

[Hog Pigsly]

This is Hog Pigsly at KWRL where we bring you the rest of the show with no commercial interruptions.

This has been an exciting day for us all. I am being told that all the unexpected interruptions will force the producers to shorten the closing ceremony. However, it seems that we will still have on the agenda: The fighting ninja penguins, catapulting for distance, Retto lip-syncing ?Martin bless Mossflower? and then the firework spectacular that you have all been waiting for.

Here is Retto .. ?Because of time restraints, I ask that there be no speeches. Thank you. I now ask Nohc to announce the name of the next candidate for knighthood.?

Nohc bows to the Admins, and takes the microphone. ?I would like to ??

What is this? Seems there is some kind of a parade coming down from the East. Must be 50 rodents carrying signs. I can?t quite yet make out what they say.

Oh, my word! I see another parade coming from the West! Let me make a better picture for those of you listening in your caves. The Admin Castle is to the north, the ceremony is taking place below me with wide streets leading to it from the East, West and South. Now from 2 directions there are people wildly running toward the center.  The crowd is backing to the South so as not to be in the way of the 2 marching parades.

No! No, they are not parades at all but protesters! I can now make out Juby leading the gang on the East.  The signs that are being carried say ?Down with titles?, ?Titles repress,? and ?In the Northlands we don?t need titles.?

Okay, okay. Let me see what is going on in the West. Ah, it is John marching with his gang of protesters, their signs say ?Everyone should be titled,? ?All Knights - No subjects,? and ?If everyone was titled, then everyone would be titled.?

Both protester groups seem very excited and upset about their causes. I can just imagine what will happen when the two clash in the center. This could be a bloody mess. And all the knights are without their weapons. Someone has to do something ?

Oh, thank goodness ? wolf bite is calling over one of the wolves from the front of the stage. I bet he is going to divide them in half and stop each side. Okay ? the wolf is taking orders from wolf bite... Now the wolf is leaving the stage. The wolf is returning now to wolf bite with a ? a ? glass of iced tea!?

The Lady Shael is looking angrily at wolf bite for planning on just watching the battle. She sharpens up her pointing finger and moves to the front of the stage. No, wait, seems Retto raised his hand indicating for her to stop.

The two gangs stop only feet away from each other, Juby has a megaphone ?Up in the Northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and all works fine. There is no power that controls. The people control as equals. This is how Mossflower should be.?

John is pulling out his megaphone ?I disagree! Things are run differently in Southsward. We need titles so that people are royalty, in fact, everyone should be royalty. That way everyone will be rich and a knight. What do you have to say to that??

(Juby) ?Up in the Northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and all works fine. There is no power that controls. The people control as equals. This is how Mossflower should be.?

(John) ?But if everyone was forced to be one of the poor, then the world would be depressed as there would be no need for people to strive for betterment. What would it be like if there could never be advancement??

(Juby) ?Up in the Northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and all works fine. There is no power that controls. The people control as equals. This is how Mossflower should be.?

Retto seems to have heard enough, he is lowering his hand indicating that The Lady Shael may now get involved. She smiles and approaches the two conflicting sides. First she points her pointy finger at Juby. Juby is covering his eyes as he tries to avoid the gaze of the ?finger of pointyness.?

(Shael) ?Juby, you do understand that if no one would have titles, then we would have to take yours away??

(Juby) ?Up in the northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and ??

(Shael) ?Juby! Answer the question!?

(Juby) ?I had not really thought that I would have to also give up my title, too. Never mind, I will have all my protesters sit down and I will join the other Knights on stage.?

The Lady Shael is now pointing her pointy finger at John. ?And for you, have you thought that if everyone was knighted, then you would have no servants??

(John) ?Hum, interesting point, I like having servants. I will just take my place on stage and we will pretend that none of this happened.?

Ahh, the wisdom of the Admins cured up that problem rather quickly. Now back to ?

I don?t believe it, there is a third group of protesters coming from the South! It?s Julie and a hundred penguins in ninja suits! They are waddling up to the stage. Lets go down to the stage and see what is being said.

(Julie) ?I am the leader of an environmental group. We are protesting to the wearing of fur. We demand a royal proclamation that no one will wear fur from now on.?

(wolf bite) ?I think I can handle this. Now, Julie, we are animals, thus we all have fur. So unless you plan on everyone shaving their bodies, we can?t do much about it.?

(Julie) ?Well, ? Well, what about not wearing fur that does not belong to the person wearing it??

(wolf bite) ?That has never come up because as furry animals, we don?t need to wear any fur. But I can guarantee you that no one will ??

It seems wolf bite has stopped in deep thought, he is now looking over at Peace Alliance. Peace is now looking down sadly and reluctantly nodding.

(wolf bite) ?As I was saying, no one will ever wear fur that does not belong to them.?

That must have done it. Julie has joined the other Knights on stage and the show can finally continue.

(Nohc) ?I bring forth my candidate ? Nevadacow.? (applauds)

Someone has just lowered a banner on the building across from me. It says ?Way to go buddy ~ Signed Beatles.?

Nevadacow comes from the side of the stage and is dressed in shining silver. He kneels and is knighted by wolf bite. The Lady Shael hands him a flower and scratches behind his ear. His hind leg shakes momentarily like a dog.

(Retto) ?By the powers of all from the South to the North, you are hence forth to be known as .?

And now all have been knighted for this month. All the Admins stand in the front of the stage to wild cries from the crowds. All the knights now approach, pick up their weapons, and stand behind the Admins as the crowd gets even louder. Seems one of the knights are missing. Let me count.  1, 2, 3, ? 12 ? 21 ? 25 ? oh I see who is missing, seems Holby is not there. He must have fallen asleep when he fell off the stage and prefers to continue sleeping, it is daytime you know.

I hear in my ear that the closing ceremony has been canceled due to the time running over because of all the unexpected events.

The Admins and the knights are all waving. They are now heading into the castle for a private feast.

This has been Hog Pigsly live to you from KRWL, the voice of Redwall. All rights reserved. This broadcast may not be repeated with out the expressed ? (swack-slosh).

[Angst Vulpine]

 *cackles vilely* Good for you, Nev! *creates a NevadaCow plushie*  

*grins* Can't wait for next time. The anouncement thingie is great.

[Juby (Tercios)]

 *is very offended at being portrayed as an ignoramus and a massive hypocrit*

[The Lady Shael]

 See, that's why your title makes sense, Juby...^_~

I hope everyone got Nev's title...Nev's been around RWL longer than anyone else here, even Retto. His first warlord number was #2, (#1 being Boze, of course, as an admin) which is a number no one can even get anymore because of the three traditional admin accounts in each era. Calling it 'traditional' because Stormy and Boze aren't even here anymore, yet we still have their accounts....


Okay, everyone up for Wolf posting the next round of titles...! *raises hand*

[Holby]

 *Raises hand*

[wolf bite]

 *Bites Holby?s hand*

Shael just wants to get out of her turn. Hehe

This took a lot of time. It was fun to write and all, but please don?t be disappointed if sometimes we just say who the people that have new titles are. I don?t know when I will be motivated to do so again and we can?t expect the other Admins to be forced to follow this lead.

Now that most of the people that are long overdue for their titles are getting them, I think I am going to push for some more of the newer people that have made contributions to this forum to be put in the running to receive one.

And in response to Juby, this was a parody, a satire. Just poking fun at everyone for the fun of everyone. From Holby being a masochist with a sleeping disorder, to Beatles sneaking in banners, to Boze being a mad sniper, to Juby being a communist, and so on. There were no direct attacks on anyone as everyone ended up as the good guys. No harm was meant to anyone and it was all for the fun of laughing at ourselves.

So, how many of you actually read those long posts and what did you think?


Wolf Bite

[RazorClaw]

 I thought they were really good, Wolf! 'Course, a lawyer should be able to write well. *reads some patents done by less intelligent attourneys* maybe not, on the other hand... :D  

[Aqualis]

 I read all except the first one, but they were very entertaining.

[Juby (Tercios)]

 I don't mind being parodied for being a commie, but next time, could you not make me a robotic ignoramus?   :P  

[Ashyra Nightwing]

 *giggles uncontrollably*

Mwee, that was so spiffy...

[windhound]

 yip, I read em all..  in the library no less..  silent laughter ^_^

spiffy indeed

*applauds*

[Guthorm Swordmaster]

 I liked em *waits patiently for his turn*