October Titles

[wolf bite]

 Due to some arrangements made by Boze Inc. for product placements, the titling in October will be partially funded by a variety of corporations and businesses. This should be our grandest ceremony of all as it is rumored that there will be more titles given out than normal.

Without further ado, I would like to introduce our new announcer.


Wolf Bite
(Admin Duties)

[Hog Pigsly]

(screech ? tap ? tap)

This is Hog Pigsly live to you from KRWL with the first broadcast on our new radio station made possible by Cluny?s Army. Be one of the counted, one of the few, join Cluny today!

Glancing out from the announcer?s booth, I can still see beasts rolling up their bags that have been waiting many days to reserve a good spot for the viewing.  It is only minutes away that the ceremony is scheduled to begin, and boy, do we have a show for you.
Across from me is the Admin Castle and the streets leading up to the drawbridge, decorated with banners of the of the various hordes that make up Redwall.  The crowd is piling in as they elbow for a better view. The roofs of the buildings are lined with watchers. This is surely going to be a day to remember. In front of the castle is a stage that is well decorated and built just for this occasion. Special thanks to the Veranor Construction Company for giving a discount rate on the building of such a wonderful multi-level stage. At Veranor they say ?A cave is but a hole in the ground unless you had Veranor built it.?

Oh, seems things are getting under way. The drawbridge to the castle is opening. You can just feel the tension as the crowd is jittering in suspense.  The bridge is down. I see some commotion in the darkness. Ah ? a marching band is emerging. It is none other then the award winning RWL University?s marching band lead by its beloved conductor Teufel. At the U of RWL your overpriced tuition is not an expense, but an investment.

The band marches in playing the RWL national anthem, ?Mice Eating Owls Are Evil.? The band lines the back of the stage as the crowd respectfully places their paws over their hearts. Let's be quiet and listen ?.

I just get so teary eyed when I hear that song. I can see that the crowd in the street is spreading. From my vantage point I can not see ? oh there it is ? The parade of Knights! They are all in full dress, what a sight to see! Side by side they march in. The crowd of cheering beasts spread like goat's milk as the knights proudly march in to the sound of the battle horns played by the band. This time of the month is the best for all, the one time that all the knights stand in unison. All differences are put aside as they come together for the greater good, that of RWL.

Here we go now, they are approaching the stage, an amazing sight. They all have lined the front of the stage. They have pulled out their weapons, saluted the crowd. Now they are turning to the castle. They all bow in respect and lay their weapons on the ground in front of them. Each one now is shaking the paw of all the other ones. Now they are moving to the back of the stage as the crowd wildly applauds. They have lined up in front of the band, still leaving their weapons at the front of the stage.

The band starts up again as down the street I see a carriage drawn by mice approach. Everyone is cheering because they know that the Lady of Redwall is inside.  Yes, none other then The Lady Shael! As it slows down before the stage all have quieted in anticipation of what gown she may be wearing. The footmen have now laid out the red carpet and are at the carriage door. There she is ? I'm trying to get a good look but she is still behind the carriage. Okay, it is pulling away as she becomes visible. Oh, I am sure no one will be disappointed. She is in a white gown. The neckline plunges, sleeveless, and there is a purple sash around the waist. The lower part has a train that has purple lines running down it. Let me let you enjoy the music as I pull out my notes ?

Oh yes! The cloth is made out of the finest silk from the far northlands and the purple is polished abalone. Surly one of the finest designs she has appeared in. The dress was hand stitched at Sha?s boutique and fashions, They are well know that they can fit a dress no matter how many legs you have.

I hear a load howl! That can only mean one thing. The wolf is approaching. Down the street I see, oh ? that was not expected. Must be 30 wolves on all fours coming down the street. Needless to say, many of the more timid viewers are scrambling away from the front of the viewing line in fear of becoming a meal. But no fear, I am sure no wolf would misbehave when their leader of the pack, the 6 foot long yellow wolf with green eyes known as Wolf Bite is directly behind them. And here he is walking erect, wearing his formal battle armor with one of his 2 broadswords on either side of his belt. He towers over the rest of the wolves, and most of the crowd as he marches up with a rigorous look on his face. When he gets to the bottom of the stage, he barks a command and all 30 wolves line the front of the stage poised in obedient fashion. Wolf Bite puts his arm around The Lady Shael and they both wave together to the crowd of cheering fans as the flashing camera snap away.

You too can have your own wolf bite, now available from Teufel Toys are wolf bite plushies. Don?t be the only one on your stream without one.

Now for what we have all been waiting for. The crowd all turns to look down the street for our mentor, our creator, our overseer, the one and only Retto the magnificent! ? I don?t see him yet. Ah ? The one and only Retto!  ? The crowd is silent as they await ? Retto!  Any moment now, the crowd will go crazy to see Retto! ?

Oh, there he is! He must have been in the castle and everyone was looking the wrong direction. The crowd is now going crazy as a dark capped figure standing in the center of the stage. The girls are going wild as they rush the stage. Now noticing the line of vicious wolfs, they back off to a safe distance but still are screaming. A chant has started ?Retto, Retto, Retto, ...? He raises his arms and the crowd silences. In a somber movement he grasps his hood and pulls it back. Oh my word, for the first time ever Retto is seen. Girls are passing out with the excitement. He is lowering his arms apparently trying to quiet the ordnance to no avail. Shael steps forward and points her finger out at the crowd with a threatening look, and all fall silent instantly.

Retto?s latest hits ?I Wanna Hold Your Paw? and ?Shake Your Tail? are now available on Ereptor?s Records LLC.

And now for a word from our sponsor.


(To be continued? )

[Angst Vulpine]

 (*giggles uncontrolably* I suppose Retto is John Lennon now? *dies*)

[The Lady Shael]

 (Note: Don't read this and try not to laugh. My sister thought I was having a seizure. Can't wait for the rest of it though. ^_^)

[Angst Vulpine]

 (Yeah, my brother had a similer reaction. XD

It should be noted that WolfBite Plushies are my fault.  :D )

[Juska]

 "To be continued" Hurry Wolf, lol.

[RazorClaw]

 'Twas funny... I tried not to laugh, and didn't.

[Hog Pigsly]

(clears thought)

This is Hog Pigsly back to you at KWRL Radio live from the Admin Castle where the titling ceremony is under way. The Lord Retto is standing center stage, unmasked, and on ether side of him are wolf bite and The Lady Shael. With the opening ceremony completed, it is time for the Knighting to begin. The large wolf takes the microphone and steps to the front of the stage. No wait! Retto is walking up to him. They seem to be talking. My word! Wolf has handed the microphone to Retto. This is surely unplanned. Seems Retto will be doing the knighting himself. This is a first. Rarely has Retto's voice been heard live. He even does his ?live? singing lip-synced.

Everyone on the streets is climbing on each other?s backs to get a better view. The noise level is amazing as the crowd screams in anticipation.

I will go live to the microphone, here is Retto ?
?We---me. ? hap--- ---at you ?ll co--- -ak it ??

The crowd quiets down and Retto is starting over ?
?Welcome. I am happy you all could make it today? (applauds) ?Today we will be giving out titles? (applauds) ?Last week, the names of those to be titled were decided. The Admins picked a loyal and trustworthy previously knighted member of the community for each new person to be knighted. That Knight took his or her troops and stormed the castle of the soon to be knighted person. That person was taken to the knight?s castle and for the last week and has been taught the ways of knighthood from the Knight. The candidate was treated with the utmost respect and treated to banquets held in their honor. So now today, that knight will bring forth the candidate and they will be knighted.? (cheering)

?I would like to present Sir Holby to give the introduction for the candidate that has been staying with him for the last week.?

In the line of knights, Sir Holby straightens up to attention, then marches to the front of the stage. He bows to the Admin Castle, then Retto, then the crowd. Massive applauds are heard.

Lets go back to the stage and see what is being said, here is Sir Holby ?
?G?day all.? (applauds) ?I would like to introduce my candidate.? He turns to look at someone off stage. ?Bring forth the prisoner ? er, the candidate.?

Two of Holby?s soldiers are dragging in Kilk! He looks battered, malnourished and frankly filthy. Kilk is kicking and screaming fighting to get off stage. What in the world is going on here? Shael is giving a menacing look at Holby. Holby is slowly backing to the rear of the stage as Kilk is pulled to front center.

?I did not do it!? (cries Kilk).

The wolf walks up to Kilk ?What is going on??

Okay, Kilk is catching his breath. ?Good sir, I am too young to die. I swear that I am not a disguise of Josh. I am really me, none other.?

(wolf bite) ?Who said this to you??

(Kilk) ?After Holby?s army raided my castle, they threw me in his dungeon and claimed that I am Josh and that I was to be publicly beheaded!?

All 3 Admins turn to look for Holby. He is nowhere to be seen. Ah, I see him, he is hiding behind the oversized Windy, with a smirk on his face. Lucky the Admins cannot see him from their vantage point.

Retto speaks ?
?That is not correct, in fact you are here to be titled. You are long overdue and we apologize for any mistreatment you may have received.?

(Kilk) ?Thank goodness. But I tell you I was almost happy to die after a week with Holby. The guy sleeps during the day and is up all night talking about airplanes, what ever that is. This really was driving me crazy with no sleep and all this talk of flying contraptions.?

Retto nods in a soothing manner and all seems to be back to normal again. ?Then with the power of the abbey, I proclaim you ?

The wolf steps forward and lays his swords on the shoulders of Kilk as Kilk kneels. This is done to show the might that Redwall has become and the trust put into the new knight. Then The Lady Shael approaches and hands the new knight a flower as a symbol of the peace that Redwall could be.

Kilk is now standing back to the boldness that he is known for. He is about to speak ?
"I ask the Admins for one single thing to forgive the mistreatment I have received. Just one kiss.?  

(wolf bite) ?Not on your life.?

Shael is smiling, ?I think he meant from me. Sure you may good sir, just one kiss.?

Kilk walks up to Shael and they kiss. What a wonderful moment this is. The women in the crowd are both envious of Shael and jealous. As soon as this kiss ends we will get on our way.
...
...
...
Er ? um ? let me take this moment to talk about the history of knighthood. At one time the Admins simply knighted their loyal friends. Then the rules changed to a more fair method of knighting based on participation. But after that was abused, the knighting stopped for a long time. Now the Admins are trying to catch up and giving titles based the behavior of the public. They know that many critters deserve titles and are getting to them all as fast as possible. Please remember that if a person is not yet to be titled, does not mean they are not on the list to receive one. Also know that if a person finds their title offensive in anyway, they may request a change.

And as soon as this kiss ends, we can continue with the ceremonies. ? The guy has to come up for air eventually. Lets talk about the construction of the Abbey, at one time ?

Oh finally! I mean ? wasn?t that kiss wonderful? Kilk is now stepping back to the line of knights as he takes his place beside windy. Kilk has made a sudden move with his arm. Someone that looks a lot like Holby seems to have been pushed and fallen off the back of the stage.

And now for a word from our sponsor.

(to be continued ?)

[Angst Vulpine]

 (You're torturing us.  :P )

[Juby (Tercios)]

 there's only one word to describe this, and I think windy has the copyright so you'll have to guess what it is  :D (and it's a complimentary word, nothing rude)

[windhound]

 ...spiffy!
*ponders what word Juby thinks I has copyrighted*  
hee...  

[Kilkenne]

 Hazaa...

Yay title!

[Juby (Tercios)]

spiffy!

I didn't say, just quoted it  :lol:  

[Hog Pigsly]

And ? we?rrrrre back. This is Hog Pigsly with KRWL, live to you from the Knighting ceremony. This has been real exciting so far, I can?t think of anything that would make it even more exciting. Seems the first person has been knighted and there is an unknown amount of more people soon to take center stage with the Admins to gain their titles. It seems Retto is about to speak again ?

?It is now time to ?? Retto seems to stop as something in the crowd has caught his attention. Hum, I can?t make it out. Oh, seems someone had fallen over in the crowd. It seems to be nothing, Retto is continuing ?

?Time now to introduce our next Knight to introduce their candidate for knighthood. I would like Sir Scarwake to approach the stage.?

Scarwake puts his arms in the air as the clapping starts. He is now approaching the center stage. What! He has fallen! (lol) Must be his drinking problem. No! ?  He has been shot! Another person in the crowd seems to have fallen! We have a sniper!

The Lady Shael, seemingly forgetting the value of her dress, has sprung over and tackled Retto to use her body as a human shield! My word, wolf has pranced into the air and landed with his legs on either side of the other Admins on the ground, his swords to either side of him awaiting a challenge!

All 30 wolves are now standing on their hind legs with dark glasses, barking into the undercover microphones where their sleeves would be, if they had sleeves. The line of knights are glancing at the rooftops of the buildings for where the shots are coming from.

(swack-slosh) AHHH, what was that! I think I am being fired on!

This is Hog Pigsly from under his desk at radio station KR ?  (Swack-slosh) Another near miss! What is this? I see a mess on the floor behind me. I don?t think I made it. It is ? it is ? oatmeal. This confirms it! We have an oatmeal sniper on the loose!

Let me peer over the desk and see what is going on. Seems the wolves have circled the Admins and the large wolf can still be seen standing in the middle. The wolf is pointing his sword at Peace, and now Ashyra, then at the top of the castle. The two of them nod and race up the drawbridge.

Retto can now be seen crawling forward to the front and standing up. ?Calm down everyone, it is just oatmeal, everything will be fine, oatmeal has a negative net worth so there is nothing to worry about. Yes, yes, now go back to your places.? The wolves all head back to their places at the front of the stage, Shael is dusting off her dress, and wolf bite is towering behind Retto to protect him just incase there are more shots fired of the sticky substance.

(Retto) ?Sir Scarwake, are you okay??

(Scarwake) ?Yes, was just caught off guard.?

(Retto) ?Then please inform the crowd who you will be introducing as a candidate.?

Sir Scarwake takes the microphone ?I am delighted to have the honor of being the one picked to introduce to you someone that has been my friend and loyal companion since we first both moved to Mossflower... I give to you Bloodwake!? (applauds)

Bloodwake has entered the stage. He is in his best vest and standing tall. He marches to Scarwake, they grab paws, and seem to be whispering as both are laughing. Oh, now wolf bite approaches and stands in front of Bloodwake. Bloodwake kneels and is knighted by the swords of his father. Yes, it is said the stories are true that they are of the same blood. As Bloodwake stands, the big wolf gives him a hug, and tears ran down the wolf?s jaw.

The Lady Shael hands Bloodwake a flower and gives a peck of a kiss on both cheeks.

(Retto) ?By the powers given to me by the Abbey, I declare your title to be .? (applauds)

This is surely an exciting moment here at Redwall. Not only have they knighted two people, but we still have an oatmeal sniper on the loose. Keep your radio station tuned right here for the latest news. This is Hog Pigsly and we will be back with the latest after this commercial message.


(To be continued ?)

[Blood Wake]

 hehe. This is funny stuff.

*E-mails himself the story so far so he can keep it forever.*

*howls and runs away*