Little Red Riding Hood

[RazorClaw]

    There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house--not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was NOT sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herdelf as a mature adult.
  So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket through the woods. Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was confdent enough in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not intimidate her.
  On the way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a wolf, who asked her what was in the basket. She replied, "Some healthful snack for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mautre adult."
  The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."
  Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."
  Red Riding Hood walked along the main path. But, because his status outside of society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the wolf knew a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, and entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on Grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.
  Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you role of a wise and nurturing matriach."
  From the bed, the wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
  Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot, you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
  "They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."
  "Grandma, what a big nose you have--only relatively, of course, and very attractive in its own way."
  "It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."
  "Grandma, what big teeth you have!"
  The wolf said, "I am happy with WHO I am and WHAT I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency towards cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.
  Her screams were heard by a passing Woodchopper-person (or log-fuel technician, as he preffered to be called). He burst into the cottage, saw the melee, and tried to intevene. But as he raised his ax, both Red Riding Hood and the wolf stopped.
  "Just whatdp you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.
  The woodchopper-person blinked and treid to answer, but no words came to him.
  "Busting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do the thinkinng for you!" she exclaimed. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"
  When she heard Red Riding Hood's impmassioned speech, Grandma jumped out of the wolf's mouth, seized the woodchopper-person's ax, and chopped HIS head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after.

[Arguia Zsah]

 pc. who needs it?

[RazorClaw]

 Well, the whole thing was sort of making fun of socialism, and it's a joke...

[Arguia Zsah]

 yeah, it's jut that pc is sooooooooooooooooo boring!

[Wolf Snare]

 *smirk* I found that rather amusing. Did you write it, Razor?

[Aqualis]

 lol

I think I saw something like that for the Three Little Pigs before.

[Wolf Snare]

 hehe yeah, I saw something similar on the three little pigs. Basically why I asked if he did it.

[Angst Vulpine]

 Hehe. I've seen that before, I think..

[RazorClaw]

 Oops, forgot to add my source: "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: Modern Tales For Our Life & Times", by James Finn Garner. It's got the three little pigs, snow white, rapunzel, chicken little, red riding hood, rumplestilskin, emperor's new clothes, the pied piper of hamelin, goldilocks, cinderella, and the three codependant goats gruff.

[TR Shadow]

 Ragefur wrote something like that once...

[RazorClaw]

 Yes, I know, but it was simply a mock-fairy tale, not a politically correct fairy tale.

[Wolf Snare]

  :P I like these versions much better than the originals.

[RazorClaw]

 Well, not exactly the moral value of the originals, but still...

[windhound]

 whoo..  I found Ragefur's spoof..  
http://www.redwallwarlords.com/forums/index.php?a...&f=3&t=3922&hl=

[RazorClaw]

  :D Still brings a vacant grin to my face...