A Redwall Fanfic I did a long time ago...

[TR Shadow]

 Redwall: Ten Thousand Seasons in the Making
By Julie

Even though Cybal was only a young squirrel, he was known well around the abbey for his ability to program not only the computers and androids held in Redwall, but also the very walls themselves.  Redwall had been declared invincible recently by the VOMWA (Vermin of Mossflower War Association) due to Cybal?s work on the outer walls.  He had programmed them to set an alarm and fire giant guided metal missiles which would be filled with old shoes at the invaders.  Upon striking the vermin, the missile would then stand up and recite very bad poetry that would frighten all the survivors away.  The poetry was written by an elderly hare named Floombob who thought he could write poetry and was very happy when the other creatures in Redwall told him that his poetry would be put to use.  He had no idea that the only reason his poetry was used was because no one had ever heard worse.  They usually went something like this:

I live in Redwall,
I?ve never lived anywhere else,
I?d jolly well die,
If I did.

Oh, where was I?
Right, I was writing a poem,
There?s nothing else to say really,
I?m bally well out of ideas.
So tootle-pip, I?m ending my poem.
G?day to thee.
I?m done.

As you can see, the poems written by Floombob would frighten even the toughest vermin away.  This was why Cybal was considered a genius.

~*~*~

Cybal Cyberleaf was hard at work.  He always was, but unlike any other creature living in Redwall, he enjoyed it.  He was sitting at the controls for the walls, eyeing every button nervously.  He was determined to figure out what each one did.  Few Redwallers had ever mastered the controls for the walls and all that had done so were dead.  He experimented by pressing a large red button in the center of the control pad.  A sign lit up saying ?WALLS DATABASE ERASED.  THANK YOU FOR PRESSING OUR BUTTONS.  WE HOPE TO MAKE YOUR LIVES MORE ENJOYABLE IN THE FUTURE.?

Cybal banged his paw against the control pad hard.  He would now have to spend another season or two getting it programmed again.  His temper was at a dangerously low level.  Cybal swore loudly when a pretty mousemaid trotted in.

She let out a gasp, ?CYBAL! We don?t use words like that in Redwall!  You should be ashamed of yourself!?

He hung his head.  If he was to make a fool of himself in front of anyone, he would prefer it to be anyone but Rose.  She was a beautiful mousemaid, named after a warrior maid who lived thousands of seasons ago.

The story of Rose the warrior maid passed on into myth.  It started out to be a story about two mice, Martin and Rose that were slaves at a fort.  They escaped then, on their way back, fell in love.  When they got back, they freed all the slaves then Rose died.  After many generations, it turned into this:

Once upon a time in the beautiful town of Mashed potato, a mouse named Rose and a rubber ducky named Martin fell madly in love with each other.  Their love got them freed from slavery for the evil stoat named Brad Rang.  No one knows how their love got them freed, but Rose drowned in the desert sometime afterwards, so this doesn?t matter anyways.

The myth is now highly inaccurate, as we all know that the stoat?s name was Badrang and not ?Brad Rang.?  We also know that the fort was named Marshank instead of ?Mashed potato? and it was not at all a beautiful little town.  I must also point out that it?s not very likely that Rose drowned in a desert.  I?m not even going to mention the fact that Martin isn?t a rubber ducky.

Anyway, the mousemaid?s name was Rose.  She sat down beside him and looked at all the controls.  ?How is it,? She said ?That you can tell what all of these controls do?  There?s no way I could ever figure it out.?

?I can?t.? He replied ?I just erased all the wall defenses.?

She gasped.  ?You didn?t??

?What?s wrong?  I?ll get it fixed in a season or two, no big deal.?

?Oh that?s fine.  It?s just that there?s a horde of vermin out there that don?t look too happy with us.?

?Oh?? Cybal said ?What do they want??

?I think they want to take Redwall.? She said.  ?That?s what all the other hordes wanted.?

He glared at her.  ?Who else knows about this?? He demanded.

?Well,? she said ?I just saw them so no one yet.  You?re the first I?ve told.?

?Ok, let me get this straight: there?s a horde of vermin outside and the wall defenses aren?t working.  On top of that, no one?s there to help defend it??

She thought about this for a moment.  ?Hmm, yes, that?s more or less correct.?

?YOU IDIOT!? He screamed.  He then ran outside to the parapets.

Cybal gazed down at the horde of vermin below him in many different types of vehicles that were good for going through rough woodland terrain.  Cybal then looked up at the numerous aircrafts that could be seen above the abbey.  He tried to look both ways at once, failed, and then yelled, ?What do you want from us, vermin??

An automated recorded female voice sounded, ?Hello, this is the Vermin of Mossflower War Association, better known as VOMWA.  You are about to hear an urgent message from our leader.  Please wait while our leader gets ready.  Thank you for using VOMWA.?

Oh, shut up. Cybal thought.  He shouted again, ?Just tell me what you want from us!?

A short fat rat stood up and shouted in a high pitched voice, ?We, the VOMWA have come to declare this abbey vulnerable!?  A few of the vermin cheered loudly.  Then, as suddenly as they had come, they left.

Cybal blinked, ?Ok, that was strange,? He said.

Rose nodded in agreement.  ?Should we tell the others??

?No,? he said, ?We don?t want anyone else to get alarmed over it.?

?Okay,? she agreed.  Rose didn?t agree with Cybal much at all, only when she knew he was right she did.  Whenever she had the slightest doubt in her mind, she always made sure to prove him wrong.  She thought very hard about this, trying to find any doubt in her mind.  She couldn?t.




[Note] Okay, I know it's not finished, but that's all I'm going to do on this one.  I thought some of the RWLers might find some witty humor in this so I posted it.  *Nodnod*

~Julie~

[Kilkenne]

 I read the first paragraph, and this is what rang through my head:

And Julie spams again!

I think that at keast 800 of her 839 posts are spam and random comments in the GD or Polling, same as 400 or so of mine are flames of people who are being stupid.

[TR Shadow]

 *Cough*

839 posts and only two people accuse me of spamming.  Not too bad, in my oppinion.  The first was Bloodrath, but that happened a long time ago.  I can now proudly say that I was the insperation for the Spa Room.

Actually you said 800 out of 839 were spam, I think you're a bit wrong there.  I can only remember two posts I've made on RWL that were serious.  One was about RWL not being a dating service and one was about the word filters.  I'm assuming that your deffinition of spam would be a non-serious post.  Presuming I'm correct in that assumption, about 837 out of 839 were spam.  

This story was actually something I wrte when I first got into Redwall.  I found it ammusing to go back and read the other day.  *Shrugs* I really don't see how it could be spam, but whatever you say, Kilk.

~Julie~

[Ashyra Nightwing]

 That be not spam! That be spiffy!

*prods Kilk*
Spamming is good for you!

[Riverpaw]

 Look at it this way, at least these forums are still active...  ;)  

[Sun Jian]

 Lighten up Kilk... Reer... You sound like my mom (NOT good) everyone needs just a little spam every once in a while... Chill out. :P  

[Kilkenne]

 The underlying reason that a lot of people left is traceable back to the massive amounts of spam there used to be. I'm just sick of it. Peace came on not too long ago and I tried to convince him to come back and he just looked at the forums and started saying "Spam...Spam...Spam...It's all ****, thats why I left..."

Julie is the largest spam perpetrator (sp, I know), and I think she shouldn't be allowed to post outside of the spa room, and I could care less what anyone thinks about that.

[Sun Jian]

 Kilk. Shut-up. I don't know who peed in your wheaties this mornin but my gosh. What is your deal??? Just Because you dislike Julie does not mean you have to go around causing hate and discontent! You are the biggest poopy-pants.

[Kilkenne]

 Wow, I've been flamed by someone who has the intelligence of the people who ride the short bus to school! How did you know someone urinated in my breakfast food? My brother did that as an extra surprise for me!

I never said I disliked Julie. I dislike her spam. I've talked to her on AIM and she's a funny person, it's just that she makes up a part of this forum, and that part is spam. Deal with it, Sun. Go shove some turkey down you cry hole. It's American Thanksgiving.

Thanks For Giving Me an idiot to laugh at, Sun. It's you!

[Sun Jian]

Wow, I've been flamed by someone who has the intelligence of the people who ride the short bus to school!

Go shove some turkey down you cry hole. It's American Thanksgiving.

Thanks For Giving Me an idiot to laugh at, Sun. It's you!

I do not ride a short bus to school. If I did, how would you know? You'd have no proof. Stupid. Me the cry hole? You're the one whining your little heart out because Julie wrote a fanfic! Me the idiot? good gosh, i'm praying for you, you need ALL the blessings from the lord you can get.

[Kilkenne]

 Actually, if I had said that you do ride it to school, I would have said that outright. I'm just saying that one of those kids could beat you in a game of chess. Or a spelling bee. Or in a contest where all you have to do is stand in place. Never said you ride it.

And I'm not whining. I'm critisizing the fact that many of her posts are spam, and she agreed with that.

(It should have been "Shove some turkey down YOUR cry hole", not "you cry hole." Had you thought, it would have made sense.)

And really, I don't need your prayers. God (Yahweh for me. Think about that.) can strike me down if he thinks it's that wrong that I am arguing with one as brilliant as yourself.

[TR Shadow]

Actually, if I had said that you do ride it to school, I would have said that outright. I'm just saying that one of those kids could beat you in a game of chess. Or a spelling bee. Or in a contest where all you have to do is stand in place. Never said you ride it.

And I'm not whining. I'm critisizing the fact that many of her posts are spam, and she agreed with that.

(It should have been "Shove some turkey down YOUR cry hole", not "you cry hole." Had you thought, it would have made sense.)

And really, I don't need your prayers. God (Yahweh for me. Think about that.) can strike me down if he thinks it's that wrong that I am arguing with one as brilliant as yourself.

Actually, Kilk, I was being halfway sarcastic when I agreed.

Another thing: stop spamming up my spammish topics with accusations of spam.  (Try saying that three times fast XD).

If I'm restricted to posting in the Spa Room, I'll put my spammish posts in the Spa Room.  Ask the Admins to restrict me to that; I don't care.

~Julie~

Oh my gosh!  Did I just post without spamming?!  I can't believe it!  *Gasps*

[Peace Alliance]

Wow, I've been flamed by someone who has the intelligence of the people who ride the short bus to school!

Go shove some turkey down you cry hole. It's American Thanksgiving.

Thanks For Giving Me an idiot to laugh at, Sun. It's you!

I do not ride a short bus to school. If I did, how would you know? You'd have no proof. Stupid. Me the cry hole? You're the one whining your little heart out because Julie wrote a fanfic! Me the idiot? good gosh, i'm praying for you, you need ALL the blessings from the lord you can get.

*Kilk pushes peace allinace into the topic*

Hey buddy, sorry if i don't like the way you are abusing the lord himself in order to insult kilk. Saying that your praying for him in an attempt to hurt his feelings doesn't make any sense at all.

Also, Ju spams a low and by spamming, that is when she posts stuff that is not related to the game or the RWL community. Although i never actually read the story, it sounds like it was a RWL story and if it was, then i would have put it in the spa room, i remember putting a story i wrote a long time ago in the spa room, it was the right choice to make.

Now, since i no longer have to come back unless i want to check up on whether the Gladiator Arena is going to be a go or not. I would appreciate if everyone left me alone  :P  I have school work to do!

[calria]

 *pets everyone*

Can you guys not just chill?
Boys, flaming a flamer doesn't get you anywhere-- it just perpetuates the flaming. So be the bigger person and quit it without further argument. It'll make everyone a whole lot happier in the end.

As far as Julie spamming, true, she brings us a definate sense of humor, but her spam is definately acceptable in my mind. It's spam with substance... not one-word posts or senseless dribble.
Anyway, isn't telling someone their post is spam spam in its own right?

[Sun Jian]

 Peace. you say Ju spams? Whoa... i'm sure if Wolf Bite was here he'd say you spam LOTS. On his serious topics you turn them into games. Meh... Calria... Don't "pet" me please....Makes me feel outright doggish. I'm done. i wish to argue further but I nought have time. You want to keep arguing IM me Sk8Derek11. I'd like to argue more.