About all of this.

[The Lady Shael]

 I see so many people complaining, and I see so many old friends leaving, AGAIN. When I read everyone's posts, I always catch that one sentence where they complain about the admins hiring new staff. And I can't help but think you're talking about me, even though I'm never directly mentioned.

I'm not angry. I feel depressed about this. I was happy to see so many people come back, and when I was made admin, I wanted make everything better for you. But all that's happened so far is that I've managed to watch the back of retreating friends as they walk out the door.

I really want to help. I hate myself for thinking I caused all of this. I never posted in Holbs good-bye topic, I was too hurt. Holbs and I have been on shaky terms lately, and I thought any distrust was since swept away. But when I read his post, guilty feelings came back, and I have no idea why.

I can't help but feel I'm a cause in all of this, but if I pull myself out, the entire thing will come crashing down. I've been facing a lot of stress in my real life too, which is unusual, because it's usually one life or the other. This time it's both. I have nowhere to turn to. I've always been able to avoid stress, but not this time. It's coming at me from both sides...

I hate to see so many of you complain. I want to know if you think I'm a part in this, and I desperately want to make it better. Do any of you hate me? Hate me, or something I did? Just tell me, I can't rest without knowing.

Two nights ago, the stress was almost unbearable. Everyone started complaining, Holbs left, and so many other things. In real life, my mom was pushing me to finish homework, and yelling at me for staying up so late, and if I keep doing that, she'll drop me out of APUSH. That was the last thing I wanted. That night, I couldn't take it anymore, and I seriously considered just leaving my online life, without anyone knowing. But I can't do that anymore. I can't just leave. It's already sort of molded into a part of who I am, so I'd be destroying half of me.

I hate this. I hate WRITING this. I hate my real life. I hate my schoolwork. I hate the people here complaining. I hate the people leaving. I hate it how no one will tell me anything. I hate it how I keep thinking it's all my fault. I hate it how there's nothing I can do except write this stupid post. I hate this situation, and I wish it would just all go back to what it used to be. I wish I wasn't a procrastinator, then maybe my real life wouldn't be so stressful. I wish people would come back. I wish I could do something to help all of you, just to make it right again.

I'm sorry for drawing this all out. That's a bad habit of mine. But I want to do something. Anything.

[Dilf]

 another post about people leaving
oo
wait
i want one
ME ME ME

[Riverpaw]

 Shael, you're assuming an awful lot there. You aren't who we're complaining at. (Well, I'm not complaining at all, but that's irrelevant.) It's just that we're frustrated, too. We've got parents, too, and well, if you were me on Turbo, you'd want to let off some steam as well. We aren't mad at you, just stressed, and really, can you blame us? It's like you said, stress... Whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you, but we aren't in any way against your becoming an admin. We just don't appreciate being pummeled by #10 and then losing our army in less than twenty turns. We don't appreciate Celestial Fury, okay, correction, /I/ don't appreciate CF pounding me into smithereens. We just let out our stress, and if we did it to you, we're truly sorry. (Erk... bad grammar everywhere...)

[The Lady Shael]

 You're just one person, that's not what everyone thinks.  

[RazorClaw]

 I think that anything that has happened here couldn't possibly be the admins' fault. People leave because of themselves. If Holby didn't like it, (and I'm not saying anyhting against him) he could have easily said to an admin, "I don't like this, here's a change you could make". And, if you're stressed, there's a certain game *cough* where you can crush things and get a new rank for it, too. So, please don't be so frustrated. The whole forum needs you here.

[Abby The Rat]

 Make that two Shael. I know how you feel, I've been Admin for many months. I want to help, this is why there's to be a procedure, I know it will make so much easier when there's something to follow.

[Menatus]

 I know exactly how you feel. I'm a real optimistic person IRL, but yesterday after Kilk and everyone yelling at me and telling me my opinions mean nothing really bothered me. It got me sad, and I'm not a sad kind of gal. RWL is seriously ruining my IRL life.

But it's too addicting!  

[Ruatine]

 *sighs* From what I've seen, Shael, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, I know how you feel. When I was first made a mod everyone started yelling at me for editing their posts for swears.  :rolleyes: After reading everything that's been going on in these forums, I just feel like saying to just about everyone on here, "Screw you! Get a life and grow up!"

RWL and its forums used to be a get away for me. When I was feeling stressed, I'd come here to unwind. Now it's become a chore because every friggin member feels like this should be a democracy where they have the right to decide what rules/punishments we have.

I'm tired, sick almost every day, stressed out, and overworked. The forums aren't fun anymore, but I continue to come. Why? Because I have a job to do, and since I understand the concept of responsibility, I'm not just going to leave my modding job and leave the admins in a lurch because they don't have enough mods.

[Cindarin]

 Shael. Your my favorite admin -in my opinion anyway-.  No one here is mad at you.  In fact all the posts I have read at elast are in favor of you being an admin.  If it makes you feel better I changed my signature just for you ;)

"Mmmm I need cookies..." - Cindarin Arinath

"Mmmm cookies *drool*" - Homer Simpson

See the comparison?            

-Do not ask why I posted the cookie part, because I don't know why-

[CoolClaw]

 I don't think people are leaving because of the admins people never left because of admins before.  I think people are leaving because other people are getting on their nerves.  I don't have a problem with anyone on these forums so I really don't know but thats what I think.  Besides admins don't really do anything that would make me leave, they only make this place better because they add new things and make sure you follow the rules so you don't make the forums uncool.

[Badrang the Tyrant]

 Shael, I haven't seen one post about someone being mad at you!  Don't get so down on yourself, it only makes things worse for you.

Riverpaw:  Are you talking about Celestial Fury on WBII?

[General Austin]

 Shael, you are not responsible for the stupidity that goes on in here. It is the jerks in it, the people who inhabit it that cause it. The only people responsible for their actions are themselves, and them alone. I see the problem as: Too many people tearing others down, too few people building others up. Shael, I say again, you are not responsible. You have been the best mod, the best admin, I have seen in a long while. Don't give up, there's always someone looking out for you and loving you. *nods to God*

[Cindarin]

 See Shael? You are truly loved among us -.-

[Sha]

 Shael, it's not you. In fact, I was just thinking it had been a little while since I had seen you post.

It's the disagreements and arguements and hatred among the average forum-goers. That is not something you can control. You're an awesome person, and I love you (deadishly). I also know how online things can make an icky real life seem even more ickier.

If you ever need someone to talk to/vent to, you know where to find me. =)

[The Lady Shael]

 Ah, you guys are great. Maybe that's why I stick around here. Whenever I'm down, you people always do something that makes me laugh, from Cindarin's randomness, to Aus' picture of Boze's foot in his sig, to Sha's extra little word in parentheses...

Thanks, all. I'm feeling better now...had a rough day...I think my mom noticed too, because she took me to the beach. The weird thing is I was thinking about something Sha mentioned in her post, about having control. That's what I was looking for, I wanted to have control over the situation. I know I can't, but it'd be nice to know if I at least have control over my own life.