Emperor Lask Frildur

[windhound]

This is where someone would type up a cute RP post.. 
Shadow!  Get to it! 
I gave him a cute Redwall name..

Anyways.  Clearly a portion of yall are bored and need a target, so tada.
Lask's stats are subject to change as the round progresses, we'll see.. 
As a hint I actually ran the numbers and balanced him, breaking with any troop type will be about the same difficulty. 

[Sevz]

I finally get to pick on somebody my own size.
Thanks Mr Windhound.

I'm mapping out the best approach, who wants to join me? Send a clan request to Tyranny and we'll get this show on the road.
I'm using Rats so everyone with Rats is going to get hurt when I run turns. Avoid having rats unless you don't mind me killing them.

[Shadow]

Lask Frildur surveyed his armies, arranged in a perfect circle around his vast pile of gold and food. His top general, a weasel, approached and saluted.
"We're all set up as you indicated, sir. But I don't understand, what are we doing here?"
"Guarding the gold and food, obviously", replied Lask.
"But sir, there seem to be several active warbands in the immediate vicinity. Would it not make more sense to simply crush them? We certainly have the numbers for it", said the general.
"No, you fool", said Lask, "We're going to sit here and let them throw themselves at us".
"But why, sir? We have no way to resupply, and they seem to be able to produce millions of troops out of thin air without actually having to pay any of them, somehow. Eventually they'll overtake us".
"IDIOT", roared Lask. "If we take any action we'll have to pay and feed our armies. As long as they just stand there the gold and food stay intact. I like seeing all those zeroes. This is perfect. We're not going to move".
A scout approached the two and saluted. "Sir, there is a small force of stoats approaching from the south".
Lask stroked his chin for a moment then snapped his claws. "Wait until they attack us, and only use our stoats to defend the attack" he directed.
"But sir", asked the general, "surely it makes more sense to send the full force?".
Lask eyeballed him, wondering how such an idiot became his top general. "Only stoats can kill other stoats you idiot, everyone knows that.".
The general sighed and issued the necessary orders. "What next, sir?" He asked.
"Next nothing!" yelled Lask. "You now see the brilliance of my plan! As long as our armies are only defending, I don't have to pay and feed them! I'll be rich forever!"
"Sir, that doesn't make any sens.." started the general, but Lask, having had enough, ran him through with this sword.
"I'm going to go lie down on my gold and food pile", announced Lask to nobody in particular. "You all just stand there and defend it."

[Firetooth]

^10/10

[windhound]

Excellent.  The zeros are indeed beautiful
Cheers Shads

Edit: Were beautiful.  Lask killed a faithful stoat, now everything is ruined

[Shadow]

He should have thought of that before he killed his general

[Graceclaw]

I love that he actually killed a stoat.

[Shadow]

The savvy player will notice that stoats are now the easiest troop to break with

[Wolf Snare]

Actually with chaos and UFA rats can break easier. 400m rats breaks 1b rats and kills 2-15x the targets stockpile per attack. Even failed attacks are ridiculously overpowered with chaos. Last round I failed to break volk over, lost 100k rats and killed 41 million of his. This went on until I could break wth ease in a few attacks.

Stoat losses are much more rounded for some reason. Try it yourself.

[Sharptooh]

I agree with Snare. The maths surrounding rats offensively and defensively seems a little unbalanced to me (I also speak from experience last round).

[Shadow]

Actually with chaos and UFA rats can break easier. 400m rats breaks 1b rats and kills 2-15x the targets stockpile per attack. Even failed attacks are ridiculously overpowered with chaos. Last round I failed to break volk over, lost 100k rats and killed 41 million of his. This went on until I could break wth ease in a few attacks.

Stoat losses are much more rounded for some reason. Try it yourself.

I was making a joke... windy said it was about par with all the troop types, but then Lask killed one of his stoats...

[Sevz]

Lask Frildur surveyed his armies, arranged in a perfect circle around his vast pile of gold and food. His top general, a weasel, approached and saluted.
"We're all set up as you indicated, sir. But I don't understand, what are we doing here?"
"Guarding the gold and food, obviously", replied Lask.
"But sir, there seem to be several active warbands in the immediate vicinity. Would it not make more sense to simply crush them? We certainly have the numbers for it", said the general.
"No, you fool", said Lask, "We're going to sit here and let them throw themselves at us".
"But why, sir? We have no way to resupply, and they seem to be able to produce millions of troops out of thin air without actually having to pay any of them, somehow. Eventually they'll overtake us".
"IDIOT", roared Lask. "If we take any action we'll have to pay and feed our armies. As long as they just stand there the gold and food stay intact. I like seeing all those zeroes. This is perfect. We're not going to move".
A scout approached the two and saluted. "Sir, there is a small force of stoats approaching from the south".
Lask stroked his chin for a moment then snapped his claws. "Wait until they attack us, and only use our stoats to defend the attack" he directed.
"But sir", asked the general, "surely it makes more sense to send the full force?".
Lask eyeballed him, wondering how such an idiot became his top general. "Only stoats can kill other stoats you idiot, everyone knows that.".
The general sighed and issued the necessary orders. "What next, sir?" He asked.
"Next nothing!" yelled Lask. "You now see the brilliance of my plan! As long as our armies are only defending, I don't have to pay and feed them! I'll be rich forever!"
"Sir, that doesn't make any sense.." stated the general, but Lask, having had enough, ran him through with his sword.
"I'm going to go lie down on my gold and food pile", announced Lask to nobody in particular. "You all just stand there and defend it."

While Frildur Lask was marveling over his glorious piles of gold and abundance of food, the greed overshadowed his judgement and began to consume him. Word about the murder quietly spread like wildfire among the armies of the emperor.

Suddenly it struck him.
He wanted MORE GOLD.
Lask organized a meeting
His newly appointed general stepped forward and announced, "Here is our private council, Master" "Can I have my rewa..." *Gasp*
*Lask rips out his sword and swiftly killed the weasel
The stench of silence was intensely deafening.
Lask leering at the small group with a grin of seething evil.
He calmly speaks "This meeting is top secret and betrayal will result in a far more gruesome death than what you just witnessed." They all nod along in disbelief. "I WANT ALL THE GOLD AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE"
Among the group were wealthy international emperors, foreign affair ministers, diplomats, fearless mercenaries and the finest warriors from across the region. Everyone with power was ordered to serve the almighty emperor.
Lask gives the order "MAKE ME UNFATHOMABLY WEALTHY, CUT ALL UNNECESSARY COSTS AND MAKE MY EMPEROR EXPAND" "I'm going to lie down on my piles of gold, I'll return in 3hours and I better have infallible results"

~~~
  Meanwhile.
A silent Rebellion started to stir among the outskirts of the emperors lands. Word about the emperors vile ways finally reached the slums.
During a town meeting the people were in a state of panic. The despair among the community was growing rapidly and nobody felt safe.
There was ideas to flea the toxic wastelands they called home for so many years. Women and children were crying while the men were trembling in fear. Fighting back was not an option.
A lowly general convincingly says to the town people "If we stay here the Lord Frildur Lask will take our gold and food, we will become slaves or even worse we'll be tortured and killed. Our only chance for survival is capitulation." "Tonight, gather your belongings and prepare for retreat, we travel south at the crack of dawn"

The lamentation of the people grew louder as they began to disperse back to their huts.


Abruptly:
A deep voice shouts *"WAIT A SECOND YOU PEASANTS AND COWARDS"*
The town rallies against the figure, this time belligerent with anger. Someone shouts "Who are you?"

The mysterious soldier jumps of his horse and smugly announces: "The Cavalry has arrived"
*Someone else throws a piece of fruit at him and in the blink of an eye he slices it in half with precision.*

"IS THIS WHO YOU TRULY ARE? A BUNCH OF COWARDS LISTENING TO THIS PUNY PLEB?" *Pushes the lowly general to the ground "DO YOU REALLY WANT TO ABANDON YOUR HOMELAND AND BE FOREVER REMEMBERED FOR THE LOUSY PEASANTS THAT YOU ARE?" "RUN WITH YOUR TAILS TUCKED?" **laughs** "If you run you will be chased down and slaughtered no matter where you go"

"WE NEED TO UNITE"
A heckler yells "We can't win".
*SILENCE YOU FEEBLE MAGGOT"
"I am the Lord Sevz and you will fight for the future of our people"
"Join me and we can restore peace, wealth to our families, we can take our lands back and live in harmony. Defy me and you will never feel tranquility or freedom."

"My spies have infiltrated the Lask emperor and are working towards taking it out from the inside" "They are in a secret meeting as we speak"
*A messenger pigeon lands*
Lord Sevz smiles.
"Rest up my friends. We prepare for war at the crack of dawn"

~~~
Meanwhile back at the ranch.

Lask returns to the council chambers and in a demanding voice asks. "What is to the outcome?" "Where is the gold?"

Emperor Chen Ping Fei explains "We can raise taxes on peasants. Each turn they move we force them to pay us"
Lask nods. "Yes, that will work very well."

He turns to the next emperor and asks "What have you got for me?"
Emperor Zork responds "We can also take their food, In the south they produce delicious food and have no way to defend it"
Lask nods again. "Yes, that will work very well"

He turns to the other emperor and asks, "What have you got for me?"
Emperor Mi-Goreng exclaims "I have connections in the mossflower country who will pay a handsome sum for an army of stoats" Precisely $2300 per unit"
Lask replies "Ridiculous, I need those stoats to protect my gold you idiot, off with your head.
As Lask goes to remove his sword one of the warriors steps in the way. "Move out of my way or you'll die too" yells Lask.
A mercenary interrupts and says: "Relax Emperor Frildur, I can make them pay more than $2300 and your emperor is so tremendous that no warbands can even reach you" "If they attempt to attack you their armies will say you are far too big" "Selling the stoats for $2500 is a fantastic way to reduce costs, all these stoats are draining your economy and weighing you down" "If you aren't going to use them to make attacks, allow the peasants to buy them and fight among themselves" "We can feed both sides of the war beneath us and be richer than you ever imagined"

Lask pauses for a minute and thinks about the proposal.
"$2500 you say?" He smiles* "That is a very good price I must admit and I'm tired of those lazy cretins always wanting my gold"
"This is making me hungry, let us feast and save this for the morning"

[Wolf Snare]

Actually with chaos and UFA rats can break easier. 400m rats breaks 1b rats and kills 2-15x the targets stockpile per attack. Even failed attacks are ridiculously overpowered with chaos. Last round I failed to break volk over, lost 100k rats and killed 41 million of his. This went on until I could break wth ease in a few attacks.

Stoat losses are much more rounded for some reason. Try it yourself.

I was making a joke... windy said it was about par with all the troop types, but then Lask killed one of his stoats...

Ah, I skimmed the RP lol. I do think this needs a bit of attention now that last round has wrapped up.

[Shadow]

The stench of silence was intensely deafening.

[TWRWMOM]

"But why, sir? We have no way to resupply, and they seem to be able to produce millions of troops out of thin air without actually having to pay any of them, somehow.

I laughed way to hard to this XD