Funny Quotes

[TR Shadow]

 Yeah, I've already put this one up, but it went directly to page two when I posted it, and no one ever saw it, so here it goes again.

"On the other hand...You have more fingers" -Bondiborg

"Before you make fun of someone walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you make fun of them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes" -(I have no idea who came up with this)

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" -EeveeFlareonGirl

"I was at this heavy rock concert and the lead singer came out and asked "how many of you feel like human beings?" then he asked "Now how many of you feel like animals!?" and everyone cheered. I didn't know there was a second part to the question, so I applauded for the 1st part. "Yes I do feel like a human, I do not feel like a tree."
-TRTraitor (Yes, there /IS/ a "TR" Fad)

"\/\/3 /\/33|> 9|_|/\/5, 1075 0f 9|_|/\/5" -TRCassidy (Ha!  Another "TR")

You'll notice that most of the people I quote are from Wizpog.  If you can't read the last one, don't worry, it means nothing anyway.

Anyone have anymore funny, nonsenceable quotes?

[guardians of night]

 Those are really funny. And I thoght I had no time on my hands. lol  :lol:  

[Quamicauzilot]

"If it hurts, amputate." -Unknown

"Never throw porcupines in a balloon store." -Unknown

"When the gorilla playfully grabbed the wurm's tail, the wurm doubled back and playfully bit off the gorilla's head." -Yavimaya Wurm, Magic: the Gathering

[Sha]

 Hmm. A pointless topic and weird quotes! Just my kind of topic!

"Dude, you are weird." - Larry the Cucumber.

"Please call me Eddie if it will help you relax!" - Eddie the computer, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Life? Don't talk to me about life." Marvin the paranoid android, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"I LOST FIVE DAYS IN FIVE POUNDS!" - My dear friend Jack.

"I LOST FIVE POUNDS IN FIVE DAYS!" - Me, misquoting my friend Jack. (Not really funny. But hey.)

I can't think of any others off the top of my head, but I do no more. Ah, yes.

"The Force is like duct tape; it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds everything together." - Anon. Not funny, either. Drat, I've lost my sense of humour!

[Bluemoon_The_Wolf]

 You may not want to know what that odor is...-NeoPets, cliffhanger game.

Whoever said "Nothing is inpossable" never tryed slaming a revolveing door. ~Anon.

"Swords don't breed hate, they breed small swords!" ~Valor Boldstripe, Terrouge, Tapfertassi.

Hiff-hiff...-hamtaro

[Rough Raiders]

 Heh some of these are from my friends quotes in their AIM profiles...
" I've been thinking about the war with Iraq and how France and Germany wont support us. But going to war without France... I like going hunting without and accordion (spelt wrong I think)."~I forget who
I g2g now but I will add more later

[Dead Eye]

 Wasn't that Kilks?

[Rough Raiders]

 Hmmmm idk I saw it in Ansons Pro...

[Dead Eye]

 He copied and pasted it.

[Trident]

 What is abbreviation such a long word.

[Dead Eye]

 How should I know?!

[Stormclaw]

 "Cabdrivers. Living proof that practice does not, in fact, make perfect."

"Every time you think you've hit bottom, someone throws you a shovel."

"I was having a wonderful day today. Then I woke up."

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't."

"All will become clear in time. Which could be rather embarrassing, you know, if you think about it."

Two of the above are my own quotes, and I'm not telling you which two. You have to guess. Yes.

[Aqualis]

 "Sanity is the sign of a weak mind."

"It is a bad omen when goldfish commit suicide."

[General Austin]

 "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada"

"What if the hokey-pokey really IS what it's all about?"



STORY. WARNING, CUSS WORDS. I thought I'd be all right if I didn't say them to anyone. Sorry if I broke the rules..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Pentagon announced today the existence of a new terrorist group in Iraq. This new group is known as Saddam Hussein's Iraqi Terrorists (poo).

The Iraqi government had been actively recruiting both their soldiers and civilians to become poo with a marketing campaign copying the Dr. Pepper jingle, "I'm a poo, he's a poo, etc.... wouldn't you like to be a poo too?" This apparently would be considered a promotion for regular Iraqi Army soldiers, but only a lateral transfer for Republican Guard members.

According to a Pentagon analyst, one of the most disturbing facets of this is the ability of the poo to disguise themselves as TURDs

(Terrorists Underneath Raghead Diapers). It would be difficult, he said, to distinguish between poo and TURDs without very close examination. He further stated, however, that US forces would continue to do their best to shoot the poo and bomb the poo out of Iraq, or until the poo hit the fan.

The Pentagon also said they regard Saddam Hussein to be the Number One poo, and that he is at the top of their poo list.

There is already a mountain of evidence that Saddam Hussein is gathering weapons for the purpose of using them. And adding additional information is like adding a foot to Mount Everest.
--Ari Fleischer, U.S. White House spokesman

Sorry about the cusswords.

We are not intimidated by the size of the armies, or the type of hardware the US has brought."
--Saddam Hussein, November 12, 1990

SPECIAL RETAIL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

All Wal-Mart and K-Mart stores in Iraq will be closing on or before March 20th.

After that, they will all become Targets.
--Unknown (Please let me know if you know.)

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now" said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on. We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment."

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Paddy rang the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne. We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well."

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin' Mr. Hussein. I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners!"




Done!

[Mark]

 

       There was pure darkness as far as the eye could see~Read it in the paper :D