Administratium

[Rakefur]

Posted in Spa, Briar said I should post it here. So here ya go. I hope you guys are as intelligent as she is.
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The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively named "Administratium," has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons, and 161 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 247. These 247 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "morons." Since it has no electrons, Administratium, is inert.

However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. According to discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to complete. Without the Administratium, the reaction occurs in less than one second. Administratium has a half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies seem to show that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain locations such as governments, large corporations, and especially in universities. It can usually be found polluting the best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic and recommend plenty of alcoholic fluids followed by bed rest after even low levels of exposure.

[Pippin]

i think briar should stick to fossils instead of advising.

[Briar]

I'm not a Paleontologist Pip. I don't do fossils.

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Again, Great Job Rakefur.

[Shadow]

I've seen this before. Funny though. :)

[Durza]

amazingness

[Rakefur]

These 247 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "morons."

I think that might be us.  ::)

[Gen. Volkov]

Ditto what Shadow said.