Shael's Diplomacy Workshop: Session One - This is a Game

[The Lady Shael]

Hello, and welcome everyone. Glad to see you're here. :)

I will be holding a short series of workshops on the topic of diplomacy when playing RWL. I'll start by saying I am by no means an expert at the game, and merely to take what I say as guidance. But when I did play, diplomacy was my only reliable strategy, and it worked well for me (became Empress without any skill, didn't I? :p). I have also had years of experience now admin-ing the game, reading players' in-game messages and clan forums, watching diplomacy blossom and wither and repeat in real time.

Feel free to take notes, if I'm feeling especially benevolent at the end there may be a quiz. =D

This is our first session, titled "This is a Game". Please check the syllabus handouts for a list of the future sessions:

Shael's Diplomacy Workshop

Session One - This is a Game
Session Two - Making Friends (And Keeping Them)
Session Three - Dealing with Confrontation
Session Four - Guest Speaker (Topic TBA)
Session Five - Tips and Tricks to Gain Respect
Session Six - How to Make Enemies
Session Seven - Guest Speaker (Topic TBA)
Future Sessions TBA

* attendence is mandatory for all sessions

So, most of you have probably been playing this game for years. Feel free to jump in at any time to share any additional comments you may have, or perhaps share a story from personal experience.

When playing RWL, or any internet game - or any game in general - it is imperative to remember, "this is only a game". It can be easy to be sucked into the excitement and drama and action, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. After all, we encourage it through role-playing. But there is a line, and it's important to know when that line is crossed.

Every player you interact with on the game is a real person. That person has a real life (in most cases), and feelings. They also can't see inside your brain. An action you may consider to be "out-of-line", they might see it as simply playing the game. A death threat you receive from them might simply be an attempt at role-play, but maybe you take it personally. I see these situations happen all too often, and it just comes down to misunderstanding, and it's almost always because one or both people are taking the game too seriously.

What should you do if someone sacks/murders you 84 times, or sends you a message saying, "u r so dead rite now u freaking jerk"? Let's take a poll:

Should you:

A. Cry to yourself and delete account
B. Let your rage explode in retaliation by stomping the person into the ground, or sending a profanity-laden reply
C. Before you take any action, remind yourself this is only a game



I hope most of you answered C!

So after you've calmed down and ensured you have a firm stance in reality, what should you do? This depends on the kind of person you are, really, I've seen a whole spectrum of responses. Some people have learned to ignore it, or vent to a friend/clanmate rather than facing the person directly. Some people will send a playfully taunting message back. Other people go with the non-overreactive but obviously offended "Dude, what's with the sacks?!" It's important to use a little foresight when making a response and think how that person might handle your response. The last thing you want to do is make the other person so upset they leave the game (otherwise you will be Emperor of nothing).

More details on dealing with confrontation will be discussed in Session Three - Dealing with Confrontation.

Of course, it's important not to use "this is just a game" as a free pass to do whatever you want. Warlord Ethics still apply. Every player has their own set of ethics, and it's not the same as yours. You might think 15 murders is simply using the features offered to you in the game, but your victim probably considers it as an act of war. When they send that "D:" message to you, it wouldn't be right to pull out the "this is a game" card. Only pull out that card if you think their response was unnecessarily hostile, completely out of line and out of character.

We have all sorts of players at RWL. Yes, most of them are teenage males. But due to our Redwall-themed background, we have a significant amount of females (who always seem to want to stay hidden), and pre-teens as well. Some of you may remember the little fiasco we had a while ago, where a vet unintentionally chased away a new member by sending a hostile message. Misunderstandings happen, sometimes you have to give the other person a second chance, or word your messages carefully if you don't know how the other person may react.

So, yes, this is a game. But if you ask anyone who has been here for 6+ years, they will tell you what kept them here is not the gameplay, but the community and friendships. Many other promisances have died out simply because they didn't value the feeling of community as much as we do. Basically, don't compromise your friendships over a misunderstanding that happened in-game. This game is not worth taking seriously. I could make someone Emperor with the click of a button if I wanted to. I could delete the game in the next five minutes if I felt like it. All that work, all that networth, down the drain. Friendships, however, are a much more substantial thing, and it's the reason all of you are here now (not the amount of networth you got in that round 10 months ago kthnx).

Friends and allies are not the same thing. Friends can backstab each other in-game, and laugh about it on the forums, or even send a simple message like "Oh, I see how it is. Traitor :p". Once someone backstabs an ally, it's pretty safe to say they're not allies anymore, but "ally" is more of just an in-game title.

I also want to make it clear that we're not trying to force you to swallow your pride, force you to make friends, or not to get too attached to the game. The end goal has always been to make this a fun environment for everyone. Once you stumble out of character and start acting out in a big way at someone else because you're genuinely upset, it stops being fun for you and the player(s) who have to listen to you whine. That is exactly what we want to avoid. You can still be confrontational without being whiny or abusive, and you can still retaliate without being genuinely hateful and hostile.

So what did we learn? Let's go over this together:


DO NOT DO THESE THINGS:
-send anyone profane, hostile death threats (this can also get you disabled)
-take your anger out of that server (that's admitting you lost)
-throw tantrums and blame everyone else for your lack of skill (sometimes you gotta be the bigger person and take the fall)
-send hostile messages to potentially new players who don't know any better (or suffer the wrathful glare of Shael)
-take anything that happens in-game personally and consider it as a hate crime against yourself (unless they pulled a "your momma" joke... you're on your own there)


Consider, instead, the following:
-if you feel upset, take 5 minutes and do something else. Come back when you have a clear head
-give the person a second chance, if this is your first run-in with them
-give the person a chance to explain themselves
-warlord up and retaliate instead of threatening or whining (but retaliate honorably)


This ends the session. You may now break into small groups and discuss. What is your stance on the points above? What stories can you share from personal experience? What other advice can you offer to players who have trouble with not taking things seriously?

[Pippin]

I admit i often use profanity in messages if i get a little wound up and send a lot of threats, but i think if you have a set of friends/warlords you can rely on and you happy enough playing with them most rounds, it sort of makes you feel as if you don't need to be friendly or honorable towards other warlords.

DO NOT DO THESE THINGS:
-send anyone profane, hostile death threats (this can also get you disabled) *ticks*
-take your anger out of that server (that's admitting you lost) *ticks*
-throw tantrums and blame everyone else for your lack of skill (sometimes you gotta be the bigger person and take the fall)
-send hostile messages to potentially new players who don't know any better (or suffer the wrathful glare of Shael) *ticks*
-take anything that happens in-game personally and consider it as a hate crime against yourself (unless they pulled a "your momma" joke... you're on your own there)


Consider, instead, the following:
-if you feel upset, take 5 minutes and do something else. Come back when you have a clear head
-give the person a second chance, if this is your first run-in with them *ticks*
-give the person a chance to explain themselves
-warlord up and retaliate instead of threatening or whining (but retaliate honorably) *ticks but also disagrees*

-warlord up and retaliate instead of threatening or whining (but retaliate honorably)

i don't think thats entirely fair to say depending on the situation. if someone's dishonorably destroyed my net or onlined me etc, i don't feel it necessary to retaliate honorably or with respect.


edit: also good topic nicely presented, gave lots of info ;)

[Uiblis]

Good list/essay on this session. I think it will be very informative and useful to both new players and old players alike.

Very simple and understandable as well. I like it, but I started getting bored halfway down until I saw this:

I could delete the game in the next five minutes if I felt like it.

I died here. Ha.

By the way, if you paraphrased some things and shortened it to fit in like a single message it may be a good introductory message to players who have just signed up (like ingame), or just link to this topic.

[Pippin]

i think diplomacy is only one side of the game and it shouldn't be shoved in everyones face when they could just as competently dominate in-game with smashing their opponents.

not to say diplomacy isn't just as effective if your into that stuff.

[Kilkenne]

You can lock out the game much more effectively through good diplomacy than through "face smashing".

[Pippin]

admiring how nice ones stoat looks isn't exactly the best way to go about a warlord game. It's often said by vets that it's not happy pony raisers its a game of warlords, I know there's a difference between "hey you hurt meh" and "hey lets be bestest friends" but it doesn't always get things done.

[Kilkenne]

This has nothing to do with "don't attack anyone". You should probably think about what you're going to say before you post outside of the spa room. Diplomacy involves threatening to hurt one another, and all that fun stuff. It's all part of the game, diplomacy is relationship building and breaking in the context of RWL, not just "hey bro we're friends don't attack me" it's a lot of "I'll help you with Y if you do X for me".

[Rakefur]

Friends and allies are not the same thing. Friends can backstab each other in-game, and laugh about it on the forums, or even send a simple message like "Oh, I see how it is. Traitor :p". Once someone backstabs an ally, it's pretty safe to say they're not allies anymore, but "ally" is more of just an in-game title.

Ryu and Pip you are dead. Lol.

[Uiblis]

Personally I feel diplomacy is a very important part of the game. Like Kilk said, it's not all just "fun and games." It's also important if you want to remain neutral or be aggressive, and justify your actions so that others will understand what you do and why.

You can lock out the game much more effectively through good diplomacy than through "face smashing".

Lol, I was trying to find a way to say this well.

Also, I don't think profanity is ever necessary, mostly because its a PG-13 rating, and also because if you can get any profanity in your messages it means you're disrespectful and bypassing the swear filter. There are plenty of ways to get your point across without using any expletives.

[Rakefur]

I always message them and give them a chance to tell their side of the story before I start killing them. If someone is offended by what I have done, I try to cool them down and explain everything.

[The Lady Shael]

I highlighted my main point in the original post, in case anyone might have missed it. Basically summarizes the whole post.

-warlord up and retaliate instead of threatening or whining (but retaliate honorably)

i don't think thats entirely fair to say depending on the situation. if someone's dishonorably destroyed my net or onlined me etc, i don't feel it necessary to retaliate honorably or with respect.

There is that saying "two wrongs don't make a right", but I agree, sometimes it can depend on the situation. It's a game about vermin and vermin are mostly dishonorable beings.

By the way, if you paraphrased some things and shortened it to fit in like a single message it may be a good introductory message to players who have just signed up (like ingame), or just link to this topic.

Hopefully I can finish all the sessions, and when I do, I'll compile all the links into a pinned topic and link to it in the signup messages. These are all ideas that I think everyone should read at least once.

i think diplomacy is only one side of the game and it shouldn't be shoved in everyones face when they could just as competently dominate in-game with smashing their opponents.

not to say diplomacy isn't just as effective if your into that stuff.

I think using diplomacy is unavoidable. Even if you don't talk to anyone, the very act of attacking someone repeatedly or sending someone aid is using diplomacy. It's not necessarily making agreements or sucking up to people...it's basically effective interaction with other players for your own benefit. Pretty much what Kilk said.

Personally I feel diplomacy is a very important part of the game. Like Kilk said, it's not all just "fun and games." It's also important if you want to remain neutral or be aggressive, and justify your actions so that others will understand what you do and why.

Also, I don't think profanity is ever necessary, mostly because its a PG-13 rating, and also because if you can get any profanity in your messages it means you're disrespectful and bypassing the swear filter. There are plenty of ways to get your point across without using any expletives.

*throws two candy bars at Uiblis* Two very good points. :)

Also I can see when you guys try to bypass the swear filter. Bypassing the swear filter is just as bad as swearing itself. I usually let it go if you're chatting to a friend (if you do it excessively I'll tell you to tone it down), but using it out of rage to a new/young player is unacceptable. If you're a vet, I'll just disable you without warning.

I always message them and give them a chance to tell their side of the story before I start killing them. If someone is offended by what I have done, I try to cool them down and explain everything.

*throws a candy bar at Rakey* That's great, Rakefur. That's the best course of action.

[Rakefur]

What!! Uiblis gets 2 and I only get 1?!  :'( lol.

Also, I don't think profanity is ever necessary, mostly because its a PG-13 rating, and also because if you can get any profanity in your messages it means you're disrespectful and bypassing the swear filter. There are plenty of ways to get your point across without using any expletives.

As I always say, there are better ways to express yourself than swearing. I mean, look, if you get too caught up in the game, it loses it's funness (is that a word?). The best part about this game is the friendships you make. Without the friendships, it's not really fun anymore.

Oh, and I often welcome new players, because in a few years,  I want other players in the game, cause with no players, there is no game. And without a game, there is no community.

[Firetooth]

Awesome post, however I think it's a bit inappropriate to hold NW up as a villain, everybody makes mistakes and as you said yourself, it wasn't that one message that caused that player to leave.

[The Lady Shael]

I tried to not make him look like the only one at fault. I said sometimes you have to give the person more than one chance, referring to the fact that Xenzik shouldn't have stereotyped the playerbase based on the message NW sent her.

[Uiblis]

What!! Uiblis gets 2 and I only get 1?!  :'( lol.

MWAHAHAHA! I am superior!

I tried to not make him look like the only one at fault. I said sometimes you have to give the person more than one chance, referring to the fact that Xenzik shouldn't have stereotyped the playerbase based on the message NW sent her.

In my opinion, the link (like firetooth said) kinda is biased against NW, but that just adds to your point. If NW doesn't have a problem with being an example, I think this is an excellent way to show what you mean.