Trying to figure out how to work this

[Dark Claws]

NOTE: I am new and this probably sucks but I want to know how to work this so I can make a better one.
Returning from a long battle Dark Claws came back to his hut. Stocked with only the necessary tools for survival, he cast his sword away and sat at the dying fire. He threw a couple more logs in it then sighed as he relaxed. Shutting his eyes, he curled up closer to the fire as he prepared for a quick nap. Then, his eyes shot open. No way things could be this good, there was always something to ruin it. For once he was wrong. At that moment nothing bad would happen. But that moment soon passed. An army quickly came rushing in to his camp. They swept past his guards and snuck past the army's huts. They were obviously professional, they would not kill for the fun of it. They all surrounded the one hut of the leader.
Dark Claws instantly knew that something was bad so he grabbed his sword and stole a glance outside. Probably ten thousand professionals, they could easily hold off his army for a while. There were few options to him, either be taken prisoner, or take a stand. He didn't like the prospect of a cold cell, and death apparently hurts. He had few cards left to play here, but he still would play. He took his sword and grabbed an arrow. He put small piece of wood  on the tip of the arrow. He put the arrow next to the hidden string on the sword and notched it, aiming for the nearest soldier. He dipped the arrow so that a passing spark just caught the tip of the wood. Perfect. He quickly took aim and fired. The spark caught the fur of the nearest beast and set it on fire. It set a little chunk of the army on fire, not enough to kill the everyone, but enough to provide the diversion Dark Claws needed. He quickly threw back a rug to show a tunnel. Taking only his sword and a few spare arrows he ran into the tunnel, right before the hut was burned. With the enemy army in confusion he could easily outflank the enemies. All he had to do was make it back to the soldiers in time.

[Dark Claws]

Yeah this sounds like a story but I really don't know what to do about role-play. I only read the first post on read this before posting before I actually posted but I will learn how to make this better and stuff.

[Kilkenne]

You might want to try to break up your paragraphs to make it more readable to start. Also, it's just like writing a story, really.

http://www.redwallwarlords.com/forums/index.php?topic=13019.0 is something that I was working on earlier but is taking a back seat to some other stuff that's going on. Feel free to use it as an example (just not in that thread if possible, thanks)

[Dark Claws]

Ok, so just put spaces in between and call it a roleplay when it is a story. Expect more tomorrow (because today I'm lazy).

[Kilkenne]

That's the best I can do for you right now. My eyes cross when I read the massive block of text that is what you've written. I'll probably comment more later on the content if you want that.

[Ruddertail]

Ok, so just put spaces in between and call it a roleplay when it is a story. Expect more tomorrow (because today I'm lazy).

The basic idea behind a role play is a cooperative story, with different people writing the perspectives and actions of different characters. You write what you say and do, then other people write what they say and do, and you kind of do NPC/environment stuff together.

When you're all by yourself, it's virtually indistinguishable from a story written in first person perspective.

[Dark Claws]

Ok then, anyone who wants to be the enemy leader, step up and give yourself a name. Anyone who wants to join my forces, step up and give yourself a name. Just make this have a huge exciting backstory and make it good. Fighting must be fair and all that jazz. So, instead of posting today someone else post for me to try to actually call this a roleplay.

[Dark Claws]

Ok fine, I'll do the next one even though few people read this. *Clears throat*.

Dark Claws ran as fast as he could, resorting to running on all fours. He had to mobilize his army fast, before the enemy army once again rallied. Normally, the warlord would just send a messenger while he triggered mass chaos through traps, but he was camping on a new place and his messenger was out getting food. He had only time for the escape tunnel to use to run from his enemies and rally his troops.

He grabbed a latern from the wall (he already stocked this place full of rations) and lit the way to his army. He had to call his generals to rally his forces fast if he wanted the hope of survivng and winning. As he ran to get his army, he thought why someone would attack him. He had no enemies that would attack him for a kill, and generally the only attacks on him were just land grabbing. Suddenly, he remembered what happened to a clanmate of his.

FLASHBACK: After battling someone for some land, he returned to his fort. Not fancy, but powerful. Anyway, he checked his reports to find that a mysterious force killed his clanmate. Oddly enough, his army was not injured. Dark Claws wasn't really closes to this guy, but a clanmate is a clanmate, and he wanted to learn what was the force. If he could threaten it, mabye sway it to his side, he could be powerful. If not, he avenged a death.   After months of searching and sifting through old reports of attacks, he decided to check reports of attacks. Apparently the Alliance had an enemy, Wolf. The Alliance slaughtered them in a war, but one comander survived.

As Dark Claws was remembering this, he realized he increased his speed and came to his camp. He ran to his Generals command tent.

"General, we need the troops to--," Dark Claws said before realizing the knife at his throat.

"Ahh Dark Claws," the general said, wielding the knife. "We obviously have much to discuss."

NOTE: So what did you think? Was it good? Was it bad? RESPOND!

[Ruddertail]

Storyline? A- . Interesting.
Storytelling/Writing quality? B- Not too bad, but needs some work. Jumpy at points, things don't flow terribly well. Some of your tenses don't match, as well.

[Dark Claws]

Yeah, wasn't aiming for a novel, but things are working out ok. If anyone is willing to volunteer for the enemy side to write their side of the story, I'd be happy to oblidge.

[The Lady Shael]

Not bad! That's pretty much how it goes. Hope you continue writing it!

[Dark Claws]

Ok, new update!

Dark Claws was thinking fast, one of his most trusted allies was holding a knife to his throat and he was running out of options. His hand quickly fell to his side near his sword, but the rat pushed a little harder with the knife.

"None of that Dark Claws, that wouldn't be very nice." said the general.

Quickly thinking, Dark Claws realized he still had an ace up his sleeve. Not enough to win the battle, but easily enough to even the playing field. He grabbed at the blade as would many in a situation like that. The general chuckled quietly, it would be no use to push away the blade. Dark Claws then extended his claws then retracted then quickly, allowing a few shards of metal to fly out in random directions. One caught the general in the chest, not hurting him severly, but definitely startling him. Dark Claws took  advantage of the situation so he could push the blade away and gain enough time to grab his sword.

The general quickly took stock of the situation and drew his own blade. The battle had begun.

[Dark Claws]

Dark Claws wasn't a commander. He was a warrior. He would never make any battle strategy that wouldn't involve him in the front lines, battling against the enemy force. Thus, he was well favored with the troops and he was an experienced warrior. However, the general started as a recruit in the front lines and managed to climb the ranks through his expierence and skill.  So this battle would be legendary, even bigger than previous ones by badger lords and a warrior mouse. For this one was a battle of tricks, skill, and the knowledge of the other opponent.

The general started circling his oponent, gripping his blade as if it might run and hide. He wouldn't dare make the first move because of Dark Claws ability to fight defensively. Dark Claws couldn't attack because his main tactics would be rendered useless in this battle. He decided that he could still make some moves and take down the general with his attacks. He notched an arrow to the string of his sword, forcing the general to act quickly. He swung his blade faster than light, but Dark Claws still let the arrrow fly. It passed straight through the generals right arm, causing some minor bleeding and temporarily disabling it from fighting. Dark Claws ducked the blade quickly, losing some hair but that was better than getting killed. He then stabbed downward with his sword, clipping the general's waist and tearing his belt.  A bunch of items spewed out, a bottle of posion, some spare rations, and a piece of flint. Perfect. Kicking the flint up, he swatted at it with his blade, causing a spark to balance on the blade for a second.

The general still had time to work while this was happening and managed to grab a couple of throwing knives. He eyed Dark Claws as it was a race to who would strike first.  

[Dark Claws]

Dark claws flung the spark at the general, ducking to try to dodge a knife. The general still had one more knife, so the rat hurled it with all his might. Time seemed to stand still as both creatures were a hairsbreath away from each weapon, but only one would be unscathed from this. The general turned and ducked the spark right before it hit him. Dark Claws, on the other hand, was hit in the tail by the knife. Not going into too much gory details, it hurt. Badly. However, the spark had caused the tent to burst into flames. Dark Claws had two options, battle to the death and more likely narrowly escape, or take the general and get the heck out of there. He chose the second option. He grabbed the general by the neck and carved a hole into the tent's canvas with the sword. He threw the general and jumped into the gap in the tent. He then yelled out, "TROOPS ASSEMBLE!"

The soldiers came out, tired from their latest battle, but, if only slightly, curious to see what Dark Claws had to say."

"Give me 1,000,000, of our soldiers," Dark Claws yelled to the captain of his guard, who quickly gathered the needed soldiers. "The rest must deal with this turncoat," Dark Claws said pointing to his general. "I want to see him when we return."

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Dark Claws lead his million quickly to the enemies. Hopefully, they could still catch the army by surpise and outfalnk them. No such luck. They had already fortified themselves around the remains of the hut, sharing what little rations they brought along. Dark Claws turned to his troops.

"Soldiers, we have here an army of the best soldiers I've ever seen. We are facing the strongest opponents we have ever fought. And now, we must prove our strength in this battle. Size, power, and skill is all against us. All we have is the best darn fighting spirit any beast ever had. TIme to press on and charge."

[Dark Claws]

Dark Claws was no fool. He knew that a full out charge would be his death, and the pain of forever knowing he would forever be known as the moron who died with an army of 1 million at his back. So, he divided the army into two sections, section A for anyone who had a weapon with a decent range, and section B for all the soldiers with swords, spears, cutalsses, ect. He had sectiona A rain heck on the fortified soldiers while section B would sneak aroundd back. Then they could send out a ring of soldiers to outflank the enemies, who would be in confusion from the showers of arrows, stones, and javelins. Section A would cover section B as they charged out. Hand to hand combat against confused soldiers with no strength in anything would result in their death. Just to be safe, Dark Claws sent a runner to camp asking for a reinforcement force to bolster the soldiers numbers. The battle had begun.

The air was filled with the buzzing or arrows, followed by a hailstorm of stones, finished with a seemingly endless trail of javelins. The cycle repeated in less than a second. If it wasn't a professional army in a fortified position, they would have been slaughtered before they could draw their swords. Unfortunately for Dark Claws, they were professionals in a fortified position. Thus, they lost a fraction of what they could have lost. Dark Claws decided that if one squad could go out and distract the enemies, then the rest of the army could smash through their defenses while they weren't occupied.

Dark Claws himself charged with the squad, dodging missiles left and right, firing his sword/bow when he could. The army was distracted by the missiles raining down on them and the crazy squad assualting them. They couldn't even see the five hundred thousand soldiers closing in on them. Everything seemed to be in Dark Claws favor. Then they played their trump card.

Note: What did you think? Comment please! Also, could somebody write the next post from the enemies point of view? I want this to actually be called a roleplay.