The Winterblade chronicals (story)

[rizzan]

Hi, I was bored so I started writing this so let me know what you think.
p.s sorry krowdon for using your name but I drew a blank for female names so I'll probably change it later, but any way here it is
Chapter 1
   The sun rose slowly over the Aljahad mountains that encumpassed the Vally of Thorns,the home and prison of the moor elves,the last elves to live on the main land,as a young light haired elf strode out across the grounds of the military base near the western edge of the valley.The elf,Rizzan,was newly prometed to the rank of commander and was just the previous day assigned a battalion of chainwarriors to train and lead in combat if the need ever arised.His molded boots slapped on the hard cobblestone path that lead to the training grounds were his new battalion of fifty men and women awaited.Still about 200 yards away from the grounds Rizzan began to hear the rowdy crys that could only come from his new group of men.
   Rizzan shied deeply and set his shoulders square and his jaw tight as the Training grounds came into view along with a whitering corrugation of ragtag elven men and women.Even though war among the elves and humans was improbable Rizzan thought the military kept the society of the elves running in a somewhat smoother pace than with out some form of discipline.Pushing his way through the crowd he made his way to a small hill in the front of the grounds he took the head of his battalion.Rising a gold-clad hand for silence Rizzan waited for the noise to die before macking his first anoucment to the battalion as a whole,
   "Hail,"he waited for them to die down again"I am,Rizzan Aisosson,your new commander and I'm here to get into proper fighting order for the defence of your queen and families."one overly enthusiastic trainee shouted out over the crowed "This is useless we haven't had a war since the Cainionic wars that made us trapped in this [haties] hole of a valley!".Rizzan cast a stern eye out over the congregation to locate the perpetrator and his eye was caught by a group of young elves gathered tightly around one shamefaced dark haired elf female trying to hide her.
   Rizzan raised his hand and pointed a finger at the elf"You, have a point but think of society without of the discipline that this military brings to it and image the total anarchy that would arise from the ashes of our flawed but great monarchy,yet you had point and if you don't mind me asking what is your name?"
   She shouted back in a voice that without the scorn in it had a pleasent ringing effect to it "I'm sorry master for my insolence and my name is Krowdon Renvaldairsdaughter."
   "You're frogiven but do something like that again I'll see that you are dealt with thoroughly."Rizzan said in a placating tone,turning his attion back to whole he continued his address"I have to admit it but I have little to no faith in your abilities as a whole though I'm sure that at least some of you have some potential."this caused many small bouts of laughter."Yet no matter how much of an incovienace this may be to you let's start the training."he pointed to a small elf near the front lines"You,pass these out to everyone."he said handing the elf a bag of flails."I want all of you to try your best not to look like a bunch of barbarians swing sticks"Rizzan announced with a finale wave of his hand he dismissed the battalion to began the assault on the hay dumbyes.
   Rizzan made his way slowly to a small walnut tree on the edge of the grounds.He placed hishelf in a comfortable mossy spot in betwen two gnarled roots that twisted out of the ground like two clumps of whitering brown snakes to observe his troops form a safe distance.The rest of the long afternoon hours past in a spectacular show of flashing sliver as the group grew accustomed to the awkward flail and gained confidence.As the sun thouched the horizon Rizzan mounted the hill again to dismiss his men for the day.While the troop filed out Rizzan managed to grab the arm of Krowdon before she was lost in the sea of bodies.
   "What do you want now?"she said as Rizzan pulled her away from the crowd.
   "I just want to tell you that pull a stunt like that again and question my authority I will have you reported to King Bentair himshelf and see personally that he commissions the first whipping under his rieng."as he spoke his grip on her arm tightened with every word to be sure he had her attion.She pulled her arm away from his grasp leaving a band of white on her tan skin.
   "Don't threaten me with such petty threats all I did was voice my opinion a little to loud."and with that she turned on her heels and followed the last of the battalion out on to the path to the barrakes.Rizzan sighed and mentally kicked himshelf on his lousy choice of words.That was one troop whose loyalty he would never truly have.He took the lonely walk back to his quarters which was the located on the opposite side of the base than the main barrakes.
   Rizzan opened the door to his dark room and made his rounds with a candle to light all the oil lamps to add some light to his gloomy suroundings.After lighting all twenty lamps located through out the house and cast flickering orange,red,and yellow light on almost every nook and cranny he sat down in a simple wicker chair and pulled out a jewel covered white sheath with a black iron bound hilt with a silver crossgrad.Rizzan unsheathed the glising white sword that had been passed down in his family for countless generations the blade was beyond that of even of the greatest elven smiths yet the hilt was of elven make.The blade cast a band of clear white light on his left hand as he flipped his priceless sword in his hands.The sword was supposedly crafted by the Celestiys,the creators of metal working according to dwarfish lore.
   "Halz'gran"he said to the blade in a soft voice.Halz'gran,Winterblade,in the tongue of the dragons.Rizzan understood why the sword was named so when he first laid his eyes upon it when he saw his father was sparring with his older brother,Mozaca, in the back of their estate.Rizzan cruled his lip back in a snarl of hatered,Mozaca,who inhered the entire estate,Mozaca,who had kicked his younger brother out of his rightful home to seek lodging in the military.Halz'gran was his most precious possion not because of its true value but because it's all his father had left him upon his death.
   Rizzan put Halz'gran back into its rosewood case and slid it back under his bed and laid down on his bed.The sun cast a stream of light on to Rizzan's brow he blinked to clear his eyes from the haze of sleep and sat up on his bed .Rizzan dressed himself in his green commander's tunic and the glimmering golden shoulder clasp that held his flowing black cloak in place.Rizzan amired himshelf in the full-lenght mirror,spinning in a small curricle several times to get a good look from all angles.He made some small adjustments and after he was satisfied he buckled Halz'gran on to his belt.Normally he wouldn't have worn his sword but today was going to be dedicated to training with a sword.
   Once again he walked to the rhythm of his boots slapping on the cobblestone path.A frown crossed Rizzan's face as he espied the empty training grounds What the [haties] do they think their doing?We just started yesterday theirs noway their all stupid enough to think they have the day off.A stream of cruses flew from his mouth as he continued to march towred the deserted grounds.As he surmounted the hill his pointed ears pickup a whistling sound from behind.Rizzan instinctively turned around raising his mailed arm to block his face.
   He stumbled backwards as the soage,a simple double edge blade attached to a chain,struck his arm.Assassins!Drawing his sword Rizzan turned in small careful currcals"Show yourshelf,crowd!"he shouted as the wihtr hot adrenaline began to pump though his veins.Another soage flew at him from his right,sidesteeping it he caught another in his protected shoulder.For once in his life Rizzan was glad he had worn that stupid clasp as it very well just saved his life.One after another the weapons were hurled at him by unseen enemies as Rizzan preformed an elegant dance of ducking dodging and blocking the razor sharp projectiles.Rizzan assumed that the assassins were untrained in use of the weapons.
   Twenty minutes passed before a noticeable lag in the assassins' effort became apprent.As Rizzan sidestepped another soage an idea sprang upon him he shot his hand out with speed that even most elves could not reach and caught the chain and gave it a sharp tug."Caught you!"he roared as the unsuspecting assassin was pulled from his hiding place. He was prepared to let all of his pent up rage unleash onto the perpetrator.He approached the stunned elf raising his shining sword in preparation for a death blow to the head when the elf looked up to to see his soon-to-be-murder.
   Rizzan stopped utterly stunned the elf was one of the younger members of his battalion an elf named Solventen.Tacking a moment to recover Rizzan sprang upon Solventen and placed the tip of his sword against his throat.,His voice trembling with astonishment and rage"The rest of you come out now or I'll kill him and wount think twice!".One by one they filed out of the surounding bushes.To Rizzan's complet surprise all of the assassins were from his battalion.Rizzan exploded"WHAT THE [haties],WHERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOTS."
   "We where just fallowing your advice"one of the elves said.
   "What?!"
   The small elf fidgeted as Rizzan's icy gaze focused on him"Um...uh...y..yes...yesterday you said that one of our most imported tools at our disposal was stheath so we were practicing."the elf filched waiting for a response.
   A wolfish grin spread across Rizzan's face as he began to laugh.The others started laughing sheepishly thinking they were off the hook.Smack!Rizzan's fist made solid contact with the elf that just spoke's face and dropped him like a stone.The rest the "assassins" started to move when Rizzan's head snapped around and stopped them dead in their tracks his voice cracked with rage"Now which one of you throw the first one,eh?".When none of them responded he decided to kick all of their asses.One right after another they all fell to his indomitable wrath.
   After they had all come to and hobbled away Rizzan sat upon the hill waiting for the rest of the group to arrive.The sun was at it's peak in the sky as the groggy group appeared on the road walking slowly as if they had just woken up.Rizzan rose as they gathered at the base of the hill."You people were souposed to be here hours ago." he stated matter-of-factly , several of the trainees began to speak, Rizzan held up his hand"I don't want to hear any of your useless excuses, let's just began.Now as I think most of you found out yesterday that the flail was harder to handle the closer to you ghaought to your opponent.So to compensate to that we will also train in the use of the sword so I was just going have you spar amugst yourselves but instead today you all of you must fight me."he paused to let what he just said sink in"Okay, those of you who lack a personal sword shall take one from the box at my left when I call your name."with that he pointed to a wooden crate to his left filled with generic steel swords.
   Rizzan drew a scroll out of his pocket and called the elves by last name"Alksener!".A medium sized elf approached the hill,drew a sword from the crate,and took a surefooted stance across from Rizzan.
   "Com'on, I'm ready"he tauted.Rizzan coolly drew Halz'gran and took the same stance as his opponent as the blade glowed like the full moon in the midsummer sun.Rizzan let his opponent make the first move.Alksener stepped forwarded and brought the sword down in an arch above his head.Rizzan peryed the strike with expert ease sidestepping to bring a counter attack against Alksener's unprotected flank.A long shallow gash appeared as Rizzan's sword raked his skin.The cut may have been to shallow to do anythin serious,but the force of the blow was enough to knock his adversary on to his back.Rizzan seized the opportunity stepped over his opponent and pointed his blade tip,still dripping with crimson blood that glimmered from the light of the blade,over Alksener's neck."Dead!"shouted Rizzan to the crowd's amazement for the battle had lasted less than a minute.He pulled out a small wooden flute and played a single shrill note.The note still lingered in the air as Alksener's flesh began to stitch itself back together.He got up and rejoined the crowd with his head hanging low in defeat.
   Rizzan coutinued down the list in alphabetical order defeating them all with professanal ease until he reached the name "Renvaldairsdaughter".After he called Krowdon she came marching up to the hill, chin held high,.As Rizzan faced her his blade less bright in the dying light she drew a clear steel blade of elven make and very expensive.She faced him with equal confidence, this time Rizzan made the first move a swift jab at her arm.She blocked and sent her foot flying towred him.He dodged to the side and swung at her head,she raised he blade to stop the but at the last minute he changed the course of his blade and hit her idle left arm.She screamed a heartwreaching, bloodcurdling,scream as the blade rent her flesh she lashed out with such swiftness that Rizzan did not even see her move but only felt the sting of pain as the blade landed his on his chest in a long jagged cut.Winded, he staggered back panting, Krowdon saw her chance and rushed him but he had moved a little to the right and as she passed him he shot out his glimmering to the back of her neck."Dead!" his voice rang around the traing ground.
   She was startled by the loud voice and toppled to the ground in an undignified heap on the ground as Rizzan played his flute and healed both of them as he had down many other times that day."Good, there is at least one good swordswoman in this entire group," Rizzan proclaimed walking over to were Krowdon still lay "and so I appoint her as my second-in-comand and all orders from her come from me so disobeying her is disobeying me and will be delt with thusly!"he said helping the new surprised lutenit strode up and tried to composse hershelf for the crowd as the applauded her promotin.  

[Firetooth]

I'm insulted I'm not included :P
Quite good writing, slightly cliche story, and get spellcheck-one thing that ruins a good story is poor spelling. Even the title is spelt wrong. It's chronicals, not cronicals. ;) Also, you seem to forget SPACING with grammer. IE.
The sky was red,which is fine-WRONG
The sky was red, which is fine-Right

The sky is red.The ground was green-wrong
The sky is red. The ground was green-right

And remember to use ;

Hope that helps you improve it ;)

[rizzan]

Thanks I'll fix grammer a little later :)