need opinions on mai story

[Daryn]

Sam's life changed that day when the stranger walked into his house. Sam was just the age of thirteen, during that hot June day. School had just finished.
He seemed ordinary enough, one of his dad's friends. The stranger seemed tall, with dark blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes. A jagged scar ran down his right cheek. He wore black rimmed glasses, and was dressed in all black. What surprised the boy was that he was missing his left arm.
"Hey Dan!" he grinned as he hugged Sam's dad, Daniel. Sam's father was a brawny man with a sun-tanned face. "So, how's it going?"
"Not bad, Szoran," Daniel replied. "Sam, meet Szoran. He's an old friend."
"Hi," Sam greeted him meekly.
Szoran patted Sam on the head. "It's been a long time since I last laid eyes on you. You were naught more than a baby. Well, here's something I have brought to you from my travels."
Sam took the gift. "Thank you."
"I have twins the same age as you," Szoran smiled. "Mind if I bring them over the next time I come?"
Sam didn't answer.
"Well, Szoran," Daniel led the stranger to the living room. "Would you like a glass of champagne?"
"Eh, no thank you," Szoran replied. "I just got an operation done after the last mission. Can't have any alcohol."
Mission? Sam leaned against the wall, eavesdropping on his father.
"Well, Szori has been taking more and more creatures out of the Realm," Szoran explained. "I got in an accident, Central Park when he opened another portal. Got hit by Kaien, the damned traitor. Call me foolish.
"Yeah, also, Daryn told me to tell you that we need you back at the Corps. There are too many portal openings and criminals to monitor for them."
Sam heard his dad sigh. "Well, I didn't want that kind of life anymore. I have a kid to take care of myself, and well, it's just me and him. What if something happens to me?"
"Well I'm taking care of my two children and the Corps; it's harder to juggle than yours. If something happens to me, well, I entrusted them to their grandfather in Japan. They've been there before. Anyway, the point is, are you going to go back to the Corps, or are you going to stay here and not do anything?"
"Ah, you make me feel bad if I picked to stay here," Dan muttered. "Well, I guess I'll help you monitor the Realm."
"You better explain to your kid. After all, he will be alone when you leave. And he'll live with the world of lies around him."
Sam heard his dad get off the chair. "Sam!"
Sam walked into the room. "Yes?"
"Well, it is time," Dan muttered. "Sam, your mother is a demon."
"Demon?" Sam whispered. "They don't exist!"
"In fact they do."
"Mythical creatures and the like were sealed away from human beings in a parallel universe called the Realm. Then there is the Nether, where ordinary dead stuff goes, and Heaven, where angels live, and the "good dead" stuff go. The Nether is ruled by Lord Enma, who decides everyone's fate when they die. Heaven is ruled by no one. There are some bad guys, and some good guys in all the three worlds. We of the Guardians make sure that when they enter our universe, through portals, they don't cause any trouble. If humans find out, they will exploit the creatures for money by putting them in zoos and dissecting them. The creatures of the realm are outnumbered by humans, so if a war broke out, us, of the Realm, Nether, and Heaven, will be extinguished because the latter of the two tend to do nothing.
"It has been a family tradition to join the Corps," Daniel explained. "Your grandpa, great grandpa, your uncle, and mostly every one of our relatives will join them, once they come of age. I'm leaving to help them again."
"Do you have to go?" Sam queried with a panicky tone in his voice. "I, mean, its optional right?"
"You were eavesdropping, weren't you?"
"Um, yeah," Sam replied.
"Well, that gives you a head start on things," Szoran joked.
"What have I told you about eavesdropping?" Daniel sighed.
"Hey, take it easy on the kid," Szoran warned. "Can't help if they are indeed curious, but remember, curiosity killed the cat."
"Yeah, alright," he replied. "So, that is our family duty."
"Are you a demon?" Sam asked Szoran.
"Yeah," he retorted. "It doesn't matter what race you are, in the end, all that counts is that we work together to survive."
"Aren't demons, well, evil?" Sam asked again.
"Not all of them," Dan answered.
"It depends on your disposition really, so, yeah, you can figure it out, mate..."

The cold winds swept the tundra plains with ferocity. They keened their biting song, mournful like a funeral dirge. As far as the eyes can see, everything, plants, trees, ground, was white.
In the middle of it all, was a huge castle made of ice. It gleamed dully in the weak winter sun. Caverns wind up around and in the castle, plunging deep into the permafrost below.
Within the castle of ice, a huge cavern filled most of the aboveground space. Strange ice carving glimmered eerily against the walls of the hall and on the massive ice pillars supporting the ceiling. A massive lion with a scorpion tail edgily, his huge paws padding the cold ice floor. Shadows from behind the columns flickered and watched the lion.
Suddenly, the clicking of boot heels echoed from the main entrance into the underground caverns. The lion, a manticore, let out a low growl of apprehension.
A tall black haired man stepped out into the light. He was wearing a dark blue overcoat with a black suit under it. His pale blue eyes spoke of arctic ice as they flicked from the lion to the shadows and back again.
"Leu Skorpjun? Well what have we got here?" the man hissed icily. "Kaien told me you failed to fend off the Guardians, causing the collapse of the portal."
"I-I am sorry my lord Szori. It will not happen again," Leu stammered.
Szori closed in with a predatory glint in his eyes. "Again? There isn't an 'again.'"
Leu's eyes widen with horror. "Milord Szori, spare me!"
"Goodbye Leu and don't mess up for the afterlife."
Ice spikes exploded out of the cold ground and slammed into the manticore's body. Blood spurted and flecked the cavern crimson along with Szori's face. The shadows behind the columns moved closer to reveal a menagerie of creatures.
"Kaien!" Szori hissed as he turned emotionlessly from his former minion. "Clean up this mess. His corpse offends my eyes."
"As you wish."
Another man stepped from the shadows. He had shining silver hair, and his narrow eyes were red. A bone ornament framed the right side of his face. Kaien Ejderha was the leader of the traitors who betrayed the Guardians. They had all gone over to Szori's side afterwards.
Szori growled softly as he wiped the blood from his cheek. "What of the spy's information?"
"Daniel Ingwes has come back to the Guardians. He has a son we can use to hold hostage," Kaien replied smoothly.
"Then do it, Kaien!" Szori whipped around at him and snarled. "Daniel ruined my portal ten years ago. It was my grand operation. darn him."
"Very well, Szori."
"Call me Lord or Master Szori!" Szori hissed viciously. "Whoever does not call me by my proper title shall be punished."
"As you wish."
"And what news of Szoran?" Szori queried. "I hear you gravely injured him."
"Unfortunately, he's still alive," Kaien replied.
"darn his guts," Szori snarled. "I should've finished it when we met before when I cut off his arm. I was an idiot."
"I shall send a team to kidnap Ingwes' son."
Szori narrowed his cold blue eyes. "See to it as I will go with you as well."

Szoran leaned back against a chair in his quarters in the base at NYC. He took of his glasses and turned on the TV. Tonight was the night of the big game he was looking forward to all month. Lakers Vs. Rockets!
A tall brawny teen sauntered in. He was dressed in the same uniform as Szoran. He had spiky dark hair and piercing blue eyes resembling Szoran's.
"Hey, dad," he grunted as he passed. "I'm gonna check the energy levels for the evening since I see you're not doing it."
"Oh yeah," Szoran yawned. "Do that for me, Darius."
Darius headed to the computer tucked neatly away in the corner of the room. "Nothing much for the morning. Hey, a sharp spike here right now!"
"Eh?" Szoran abandoned his game, and strode over. "Spike? Oh."
"And followed by increased particle vibration!" Darius exclaimed. "A portal is being opened!"
"Get a location of the portal and energy signatures coming from it!"
Darius tapped on the computer. "Here."
Szoran scrutinized it, narrowed his eyes angrily, and said one word. "Szori."

Sam had just finished his math homework at his house. His father was gone at a mission and he was alone at the house. Something prickled the hairs at the back of his neck. He shuddered.
Suddenly, an explosion knocked the doors off the hinges. A tall brawny teen with messy dark blonde hair strode over to him. "You're coming with me!"
"Who are you?" Sam asked as he backed away.
The teen grabbed him and dragged him toward the door when another explosion racked the house. Debris fell down from the ceiling as it was blown open.
A man with silver hair and a bone ornament entered. "Hand over the boy, Darius."
"Kaien, I didn't expect to see you here. As for him," Darius eyed Sam, "He is with me. You have to get through me to get to him."
"I will deal with you the same way I dealt with your father."
Kaien drew his claymore from its hilt, and it instantly exploded with fire.
Darius took a ready stance, and drew his sword.
"You don't plan on taking him alone, do ya, Dairy Boy?" A sharp mocking voice called.
A girl with brown hair and dressed in the Guardian uniform stepped out from the doorway.
"How many times have I told you not to call me Dairy Boy?" Darius hissed back playfully. "I'll share him with you, Cody."
"Fenix quemadura!"
An explosion of fire enveloped the girl, Cody. When the fire died down, a fire phoenix-griffin hybrid stepped out.
"Ahhhh," Kaien smiled. "Pharos' reincarnation. What other secrets does my best friend Szoran have to hide from me?"
Cody's beak twitched into a smile, and the siblings both launched themselves at Kaien.
"Stay back, Sam!" Darius yelled above the clanging of swords.
Sam decided to take his advice. He back away, and then before long, he bumped into someone. An icy aura enveloped him."
"Well, well, well," a voice as cold as a blizzard hissed. "What have we got here?"
Sam turned to find himself looking in the face of a tall man with Oriental features. He was dressed in a neat suit with a light blue plaid tie and had icy blue eyes that stabbed him like ice spears.
"Come with me, boy, and you won't get hurt," the man said with an icy smile."
"Back off, Szori," a voice snarled. Szoran stepped from the smoking wreckage that was once a house. "He is under the Guardian's protection."
"Oh little Szoran," Szori smiled amiably. "The one who couldn't save his arm from me."
"That time is past. I am stronger now."
"Show me."
Szoran took out his blade. An explosion of fire and ice blasted out. Sam thought Szoran would be dead, but he was surrounded by a thick wall of ice. The fire and ice barely scraped it. "Is that all? A little show of fire and ice?"
Once the smoke cleared, Szoran seemed a little different. An aura of energy radiated off him. He swept his hair back. His glasses glinted in the light.
"No demon form?" Szori questioned. "You're becoming more human all the time."
"I don't need demon form to kill you," Szoran replied coolly. "Incursio, incendia qoud glacies."
"Messor gelidus tactus," Szori hissed as he was replaced by a huge, yet majestic, ice dragon. Spikes of ice formed his horns and sprouted out of his back and neck. He resembled an oriental dragon with wings of ice. The dragon's left hand was covered with a gauntlet of ice, and in his right, a spear of ice.
Szori shot a couple of ice bolts from his gauntlet. Szoran blocked them with his blade, a Japanese katana.
"Don't use those tricks on me," Szoran hissed. "I'm not that level anymore!"
Szori grinned viciously, his teeth catching the gleam of the moonlight giving his face a cruel sneer and in a voice like a snowstorm, he roared, "I was just testing to see if you were at that level!"
Szoran slashed a massive burst of fiery energy at Szori. The dragon skillfully dodged the wave of energy. "New move, eh?"
"What do you think?" Szoran smiled crookedly.
Suddenly, like so many sudden things that happened today, someone grabbed Sam. He let out a cry of surprise and fell back into the grabbers arms.
"Be quiet boy!" a voice hissed into his ear as a hand clamped over his mouth.
Sam turned around and saw a lean man with messy black hair. His emerald green eyes fixed him with a commanding stare. He decided to do what the man said.
"Come with me," the man hissed again.
"Are you with Szoran?" Sam squeaked.
"Yes, my name is Lynx Shroud," he replied briskly. "Lieutenant to Szoran. Hold on tight kid!"
Sam nodded and grabbed hold of him as Lynx sped off into the dark night with Sam in his grasp.
A screech from the sky caused Sam's head to turn up. It was a huge ice creature with vast wings and a mouthful of sharp teeth. It blasted a freezing breath at Lynx.
Lynx muttered a spell and repelled the blast. "darn wendigos. We have to hurry and take you to our Realm base. We can get some protections from the Emperor Justinian III."
Justinian III? Sam thought. Isn't that a Byzantine Emperor?
"What's a wendigo?" Sam asked.
"It's an ice spirit thingy thing."
"Ok...."
Another wendigo fired a few ice missiles at them which Lynx blocked with another quickly muttered spell.
"Well, I guess I have to resort to a more aggressive form..." Lynx hissed as he transformed into a massive gray tiger with a quill mane. Dark markings masked his face and emerald green eyes. Huge saber teeth hung out of his sharp toothed mouth.
"Climb onto my back, Sam, and don't get hurt by my spines," Lynx hissed as he swatted a wendigo aside with his spiked tail.  He batted another with a black clawed paw.
Sam scrambled onto Lynx's broad back and held on to the spines sticking out.
"Hold on tight!" Lynx yelled as he launched off into the night sky.
The wind rushed by as it blew Sam's hair back with gusts.
"Wheeee!" Lynx grinned as his paws pounded the ground at in-feline speed.
Sam hung on for dear life as Lynx. His knuckles were white with fear. The wind whipped all around viciously. The wind screeched as it threatened to rip his grasp off Lynx's slippery spines.
"Can you slow down a bit?" Sam squeaked above the howl of the wind.
"What would you do if you were running from 10 things trying to kill you?" Lynx hissed. "This is the real world, kid, not some fantasy game! Especially now that you know you are not what you think you are, but Lucifer's reincarnation!"


BAM!

[Krowdon]

Pretty Sweet Daryn.

I really enjoyed reading that.

Too bad you had to leave it off at  a cliffhanger. :(

[Briar]

why is this in the Spa  Room?? it should be in role play...author only

[Krowdon]

Mebbie we can spam about it. Like this.

And then Lynx told Daryn that Lucifer was a unicon fairie Princess.
Daryn nearly suffered a fatal Heart attack.

[Mr.Grimm]

Or we could let Daryn have a little bit of pride and leave that part out Krowdon.

[Krowdon]

yah.