Funny Funny

[Aqualis]

  17 WAYS HOW YOU CAN TELL IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY
- 1 -  You wake up Face Down on the Footpath.
- 2 -  You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.
- 3 -  You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
- 4 -  You see a `60 minutes' team waiting in your office.
- 5 -  Your Birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
- 6 -  You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and
      there aren't any.
- 7 -  You put on the news and they are showing emergency routes out of
      the city.
- 8 -  Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
- 9 -  Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
      follow a group of `(hades)'s Angels' down the freeway.
- 10-  The boss tells you not to bother taking your coat off.
- 11-  The bird singing outside your window is a Vulture.
- 12-  You walk to work and then find your dress is stuck in the back
      of your pantyhose.  (Even Worse for Ladies)
- 13-  You call your answering service and they tell you that its none
      of your business.
- 14-  Your blind date turns out to be your wife.
- 15-  Your income tax cheque bounces.
- 16-  You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- 17-  Your wife say's "Good morning, Bill" and your name is Fred.
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                      IT WASN'T MY FAULT!

    The ingenuity of drivers involved in accidents in seeking to
assert  their  innocence  or at least  excuse  their  errors,  is
apparently inexhaustible, to judge from this genuine selection of
excerpts from insurance claims:

1.   I consider that neither vehicle was to blame,  but if either
were to blame it was the other one.

2.   I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had
been run over before.

3.   One wheel went into the ditch, my feet jumped from brake to
    accelerator  pedal, leaped across to the other side and
    jammed into the trunk of a tree.

4.   I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.

5.   To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

6.   Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an
    invisible lorry.

7.   After the accident a working gentleman offered to be a
    witness in my favour.

8.   I collided with a stationary tree.

9.   The other man altered his mind so I had to run over him.

10.  I told the other idiot what he was then went on.

11.  I can give no details of the accident as I was somewhat
    concussed at the time.

12.  A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

13.  I blew my horn, but it would not work as it was stolen.

14.  I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian, and the old gentleman
    was taken to hospital much regretting the circumstances.

15.  I thought the side window was down, but it was up as I found
    when I put my head through it.

16.  Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the
    cow was half-witted.

17.  A  bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him as
    he gored my car.

18.  She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.

19.  A lorry backed through my windscreen into my wife's face.

20.  I ran into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

21.  I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

22.  Coming home,  I drove into the wrong driveway and collided
    with a tree I haven't got.

23.  I left my car unattended for a minute when by accident or
    design, it ran away.

24.  The other car collided with mine without giving any warning
    of its intentions.


    This  collection of excuses was taken directly from the SATA
magazine, Sep, 1991 Volume 2 No.8. Original Author - Unknown.
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[TR Shadow]

 ...I put my bra on backwards before...

And I forot to wear one about a month ago and had to make my mother turn around on the way to school (she was driving me and a few friends) as I had forgotten 'something important'.

[TR Shadow]

 *Double posts*

"- 12- You walk to work and then find your dress is stuck in the back
of your pantyhose. (Even Worse for Ladies)"

Erm... has a ~guy~ ever had his dress caught in the back of his pantyhose?

...

[Nohcnonk]

...I put my bra on backwards before...

And I forot to wear one about a month ago and had to make my mother turn around on the way to school (she was driving me and a few friends) as I had forgotten 'something important'.

Nice to know.  Hopefully it didn't fit better.

[TR Shadow]

 I have more...

And no, it didn't fit better.

[Gen. Volkov]

 Uh huh.... well I suppose a tranny might get his dress caught.