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This is Hog Pigsly, the one on the mark when the mark is moving.

The report has come though that at any moment the announcement will be made. I can see the crowd is massive and the royal knights are holding back the excited crowd.

As most of you know, there is a precession the staff makes. The Mods open the front doors and stand on either side. Each Mod is dressed in the coats of arms of the clans they have belonged to. Scarwake is in full Blades attire as his long standing leadership of that clan. Windhound is in many colors symbolizing all the clans he has been a part of. Then the Admins walk out in the order they became a member of the upper-management. Shael first, then wolf and Peace in full armor.  Ohhhhh .... The crowd has gone silent. Something must be going on ...

Yes ... Yes, I can see the large doors are moving. They are now open and the Mods are walking out .... Wait, they are not in the appropriate attire. Oh, they are both in the colors of the Redwall flag! This must be a big announcement! And they have in their paws .... It looks like... yes they are carrying spears! Rather than standing on both sides of the door, they seem to be marching to either side of the grand steps. They are now standing at full attention. The crowd is speechless!

Now I see movement inside the dark doorway, it seems to be ... Yes our Lady Shael is walking out. She has on a wonderful blue dress with silver trim and a trail running behind her. Oh, she looks so lovely, I wonder what she is doing after the announcement? (Hysterical laughter can be heard in the recording booth). Alright guys, it is not that funny.

I see a second figure, it is wolf bite in his full golden armor. The 6 foot long green eyed yellow wolf always looks so flashy at these important functions. And yes, he has a broadsword on each hip.  Now I can see Peace Alliance emerging from the dark. He is in his normal warrior ....  Ops I spoke too soon. In fact what is he wearing? It can't be! Peace has short green pants on and a short sleeved green shirt. How very strange? Oh my word, I hope nothing has happened to him!

The 3 Admins are now standing at the front of the stage, Normally there would be clapping, but the crowd seems concerned because of Peace's clothes that something has happened to him. Peace is about to speak, we will let you listen in. Peace is leaning forward.

Peace "Ah, sorry, did not have a chance to change clothes, I was working with the cub scouts on the east end and when there parents show up, they can be real bears." The crowd almost in unison gives a loud sigh of relieve, and then starts cheering and clapping for the Staff of Redwall.

The Lady Shael steps up to the microphone, but wait, her paws are over her whiskers, I think she is all tearing up! She motions to wolf bite who steps in.  Wolf steps up to the front and waits as the excitement builds for his signature maneuver, he waits, and waits for the timing to be just right. There he goes, he snaps out both broadswords and swings them faster than the eye can see and slaps them together above his head to make a cloud "clank" sound. The crowd is going wild, however no one is rushing the stage with wolf up there tossing around his swords!

Wolf bite: "Thank you all for coming on such short notice. As time changes so must the way things are run around our community. We have decided that our staff at Redwall needs to ....... increase in size" (The next few sentences could not be heard over the cheering). "... thus for those reasons we have decided to enlarge the number of Mods. I want everyone to know that picking staff members is not an easy job to do. Over the last few years there have been many times that we have discussed just about every member of the community to be on the staff, but since we lacked a unanimous decision at those times we never did add those members who were in the running. Just because we picked the most deserving beast this time does not mean that at a different time that other members where more deserving. Let me hand the mic over to Shael now." (Applause)

Shael: "I agree with wolf, it is a hard decision and I worry that others may have felt they deserved their promotion at some time in the past, but we must do what is best at THIS time. Anyway, my speech is on the responsibility of being on the Staff. It is not all fun and games. By being on the staff the member is held to a higher standard. They will have duties and responsibilities. They should not allow the respect we have given them to go to their head where they could lose the respect of their friends. I know that Scarwake and windy with their years of experience will be great guides."
   
Scarwake and windhound march to the center and lift their spears to make an archway for the new staff.   
   
Shael is now walking to the very front of the steps. "I ask that Wolf Snare approach".  The crowd screams in excitement. From the center of the crowd there is some movement, Yes it is Snare pushing his way through. He walks up the steps, drops to one knee, takes the back of Shael's paw and kisses it, then bows his head. Shael takes her ceptor and gently touches Snare on both shoulders. He slowly stands, a new beast, at Mod! He looks to Shael for what to do next. She motions for him to stand behind the Admins. Snare takes his position.

Wolf Bite takes to the front center stage. Wolf: "I have already given my speech, so I will go right into announcing the name of the next new Mod. Holby, please step up." (The crowd goes crazy)

Now we wait for Holby to come to the stage. ... Any moment now Holby will step up. Ah ... I wonder where Holby is? I see some commotion in the far back. Yes it is Holby. Let's go down to our beast on the street and see if we can get a sound bite from what is going on ...

Holby: "Stop pushing me around everyone, It is not my fault that I am running late. Have a heart, it is 4 am in my time zone! Why is everyone pushing me up to the stage?"

The crowd keeps pushing Holby until he is thrown onto the steps before wolf bite who has his sword raised to knight him. Holby looks up to see wolf bite with his sword above him. Holby: "No, don't behead me! I had no way to know it was a private dance!"

Wolf Bite: "Hehe, Don't worry my buddy, no one is beheading you, just be still." The big wolf takes his sword and taps Holby on both shoulders. "Now go stand with Snare."  Holby stands up confused.

Peace now comes to center stage to make his announcement. But there is still a commotion on the stage. Holby had walked over to stand beside windy and keeps talking to him. But windy seem to be trying to avoid losing his stance. Finally, windy leans over and whispers something in Holby's ear. Holby's eyes get oversized for a moment, his chest puffs out and he stands at attention then walks over to stand next to Snare.

Peace: "As I was trying to say. I want to talk about the value of opinions. Yes, we value all our members ideas. However in the staff war room we go over in depth some of the concepts not released to the general public. We expect our Mods to give input. Part of the reason these members were picked was not only their loyalty to the community, but their knowledge of the game to help with development. I would like to now ask Shadow to step forward."

From the back of the crowd can be heard a big "YES". And shadow can be seen running to the stage. Ops it seems he ran into Ereptor. Gee, this must be the first time a shadow ran into him. Anyway, Shadow approaches the stage, bows and falls to one knew before peace. Peace reaches for his sword and realizes he is in his camping outfit. Bewildered for a moment, a young bear cub jumps on to the stage and hands Peace an arrow. Peace pats the cub on the head, taps shadow on both shoulders. Shadow then takes his place with the other new Mods.

Shael steps to center stage: "Congratulations to our 3 new Mods as they take up residence in the Staff Castle."

The crowd goes wild with cheers and clapping.

This was Hog Pigsly, on the spot at every spot.

This is Hog Pigsly with NEWS as I see it.

This just over the wires: it has been confirmed! Scarwake has sent out the street maintenance personal to set up for a for an Admin announcement.

From my vantage point, I can see the city workers setting up the barricades and the security personal pushing back the crowd. This is exciting.

This was Hog Pigsly, your delightful informer.

This is Hog Pigsly, your beloved announcer at K-RWL radio.

This just in! Peace Alliance has been reached for comment and we have the exclusive!   Peace says, "I have no comment at this time."  We will break in as the story develops.

This was Hog Pigsly, all the news all the time.

This is Hog Pigsly, the one and only official broadcaster for Redwall.

We have broken into your regular show for this breaking news.

I am sure everyone has read the articles in the "RWL Enquirer" that an unsubstantiated, unnamed, brother of a friend of the sister of one of the cooks in the RWL staff castle has said that the staff has been up late in secluded meetings all week. Rumors have been massive concerning what is going on. People have guessed that there may be a new forum, a staff member leaving, a new staff member, or even a new game update. One person has even claimed they are being vetted as the new Vice Emperor of the realm!

From my vantage point imbedded in a cozy apartment across the street from the castle, I already see citizens starting to fill the main square in hopes to get more information.

I will bring you up to date as the facts unwind. Now back to your regularly scheduled show.

This was Hog Pigsly, I always have the bacon.

This is Hog Pigsly of radio station K-RWL.  I?m the one you know that knows what you need to know.

(Familiar tones play)

That?s right.  We are here at the grand hall awaiting the returning warriors to approach the stage.  So far we have seen some small side shows to keep the audience entertained as we wait.  We have seen the wonderful performance of ? oh wait ? it looks like something is happening on the stage.  Oh, I see now, it is General Valkov escorting the Lady Shael on to the stage.  They seem to be in conversation.  (Muffled to someone off stage), Turn there microphones on so we can over hear.

Yes, yes. We now have sound, lets snoop in as they think they are talking in private.

Shael ?I don?t really care, I was not told I had to do this.?

Volkov, ?But someone has to announce the war is over.?

Shael, ?What war?!?!?

Volkov, ?The one with wolf bite.?

Shael, ?I have been wondering where he has been. Who has he been fighting??

Volkov, ??We don?t have time for all that now, the show is starting and you are up first ??

(National anthem of RWL plays to drown out any more of the conversation)

Yes, I has started now. Lady shael is standing behind on stage, lets here what she has to say.


Shael, ?Welcome beasts of the lands!?

(Massive cheering and a few hoots)

Shael, ?I am so happy to say that the war is over.  And that the evil dragon has been slay ??

I seems as if General Volkov has interrupted Shael and is whispering something in her ears, let go back to her speech.

Shael, ?Err I meant that whomever wolf bite was fighting has lost and our Admin is back in his castle.  With out any more delay, let me bring him out.  Here is wolf bite!?

(Cheers)

The Lady Shael is now pointing to the side of the stage awaiting wolf bite?s appearance.  But the curtain slightly opens behind her and there is a figure standing there.  The lady Shael shakes her head in apparent disgust in the lack of organization and stomps off the stage.  Okay now.  Back to the action.  There is the 6 feet long yellow wolf with green eyes in his full gold battle gear.  He is standing not moving.  We know his copyrighted movement is about to come at anytime, the suspense is building.  There he goes!  Wolf has pulled both his broadswords and clamored them above his head.

(Wild cheering and stamping of paws)

wolf bite,  ?Thank you, thank you, shhh now. Thank you all.  (Clears voice)  Although it took cunning and skill, this was just one of many adventures of the past and the future.  We all must remember that removing an emperor who is ready to step down is not nearly the same as fighting one to the death.  The war was fun.  This was indeed worth my brief step out of retirement.  I would like to introduce some of those that helped me.  I must first say that anyone that can hold the land is an emperor, but those that held it when the land was crowded with beasts is a real undertaking.  I would like to introduce some of the past Emperors of Old.?

The curtain just opened the rest of the say and there are 4 emperors standing proud in their battle gear.

Wolf bite, ?Let me introduce ?. My off spring, Bloodwake, next to him, Peace Alliance, windhound, and Ereptor.?

(cheering)

Some people in the audience are holding up signs of support for the different emperors.  The emperors are stepping forward.  It seems as if they agreed to have one person be their spokesperson.  It is, yes, Ereptor is stepping to the microphone.  Lets listen in.

Ereptor, ?First ? like ?say ? (tap tap) What ? wrong with ?. ing micro ?!?

It seems they are having some technical difficulties with the mic that was handed to Ereptor.  What now?  I don?t believe it!!  NO, NO!  Don?t do it!  (cough)  Ah Ereptor had jumped into the sound booth and ah, ? well let just say there is a job opening for a new sound technician.  Ereptor has stepped back in line with the other emperors, but for the first time in a long while he has a big smile on his face.

Wolf bite, ?Ah, yea.  Will lets get back orderly can we?  Next I would like to thank all those that fight along with us on our mission.  Many beasts stepped up and took shots or did actions in favor of our team.  More then I even know about.  I would like to thank those that took at least one or more direct orders of mine.  Neobaron, Ruddertail, and a fresh member to our city, kell.?

(Cheering)

wolf bite, ?Now most important I would like to bring out the beast that made this all possible ?. Emperor Wolf Snare!?

I see wolf bite walking back to the other Emperors of Old and resting his arm over the shoulders of Bloodwake.  There is Snare now.  He is taking the stage.

(Loud cheering)

Wolf Snare, ?First I would like to say I am very happy no one is holding my head on a stick.?

(Laughter)

Wolf Snare, ?But on a less humorous note, I take this defeat with grace.  We knew from the start we could not hold out, it was only a matter of how long we could hold them back.  It is one of my greatest moments of living in RWL that the Grand Master would find me a worthy opponent to step out of retirement for these war games.  It is an honor to go up against the Emperors of Old.  Few have ever had the privilege of facing the most mighty.?

(Wild cheering)

Wolf Snare has his arm extended to the Emperors and is bowing.  The crowd is going wild.  What is this?  Peace Alliance is calling over to Wolf Snare.  Wolf Snare looks confused.  Now windhound is waving his paws at Wolf Snare.  Yes!  I get it now.  The Emperors of Old are inviting Wolf Snare over to them.  This is the first time I have ever seen Wolf Snare looking bashful.  He is slowly walking over to the Emperors of Old.  Oh my word!  The are all shaking paws.  It seems as if has just been inducted into the private club of Emperors of Old.  This is truly a great day.  The now 6 Emperors of Old are now holding hands and taking bows as the curtains are closing.

We understand that Wolf Snare is about to release a statement with his thanks to his team and thought of the war.

In closing, I think the question in everyone?s mind is who will be the next to take over the lands of RWL? 

This was Hog Pigsly, your DJ to the kings at K-RWL, wishing you all a good day.

 
This is your favorite radio DJ, Hog Pigsly, of station  K-RWL. Broadcasting to you on 12.5 watts from downtown Mossflower. You know our slogan, ?Whether you live in a cave, borrow, or tree trunk, K-RWL is your station.?

I hope everyone is having as wonderful of an April?s Fools day as I am having. Truly wonderful to be at the controls during this broadcast of ?Admin?s Gone Wild,? (all rights reserved under copyright laws).

The before mentioned radio play was written, directed, produced, and staring: ?The Redwall Staff Players!? Come on out for your bows. Here they come everyone! [cheers] In order of appearances:

Peace Alliance, the mustached villain. (Boos)
Wolf Bite, the sharp tongued control freak (Cheers)
The Lady Shael, the two faced  she-demon. (Whistles)
Windy, the sorrowful problem starter. (Cheers)
TJ, the jealous understudy. (Cheers)
Retto, the ghost of Christmas past. (Cheers)

May we remind you that nothing said in this topic was true, and not to try this at home because we are professionals.

We will sign off tonight with our rendition of the RWL national anthem, ?O?ld to the Abbey.?

This is Hog Pigsly signing off on this April?s Fools day 2006. Good night to all.

*RWL Staff holds hands and sings*

Good old wolf bite seems to be getting really old.

This is Hog Pigsly at KWRL where we bring you the rest of the show with no commercial interruptions.

This has been an exciting day for us all. I am being told that all the unexpected interruptions will force the producers to shorten the closing ceremony. However, it seems that we will still have on the agenda: The fighting ninja penguins, catapulting for distance, Retto lip-syncing ?Martin bless Mossflower? and then the firework spectacular that you have all been waiting for.

Here is Retto .. ?Because of time restraints, I ask that there be no speeches. Thank you. I now ask Nohc to announce the name of the next candidate for knighthood.?

Nohc bows to the Admins, and takes the microphone. ?I would like to ??

What is this? Seems there is some kind of a parade coming down from the East. Must be 50 rodents carrying signs. I can?t quite yet make out what they say.

Oh, my word! I see another parade coming from the West! Let me make a better picture for those of you listening in your caves. The Admin Castle is to the north, the ceremony is taking place below me with wide streets leading to it from the East, West and South. Now from 2 directions there are people wildly running toward the center.  The crowd is backing to the South so as not to be in the way of the 2 marching parades.

No! No, they are not parades at all but protesters! I can now make out Juby leading the gang on the East.  The signs that are being carried say ?Down with titles?, ?Titles repress,? and ?In the Northlands we don?t need titles.?

Okay, okay. Let me see what is going on in the West. Ah, it is John marching with his gang of protesters, their signs say ?Everyone should be titled,? ?All Knights - No subjects,? and ?If everyone was titled, then everyone would be titled.?

Both protester groups seem very excited and upset about their causes. I can just imagine what will happen when the two clash in the center. This could be a bloody mess. And all the knights are without their weapons. Someone has to do something ?

Oh, thank goodness ? wolf bite is calling over one of the wolves from the front of the stage. I bet he is going to divide them in half and stop each side. Okay ? the wolf is taking orders from wolf bite... Now the wolf is leaving the stage. The wolf is returning now to wolf bite with a ? a ? glass of iced tea!?

The Lady Shael is looking angrily at wolf bite for planning on just watching the battle. She sharpens up her pointing finger and moves to the front of the stage. No, wait, seems Retto raised his hand indicating for her to stop.

The two gangs stop only feet away from each other, Juby has a megaphone ?Up in the Northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and all works fine. There is no power that controls. The people control as equals. This is how Mossflower should be.?

John is pulling out his megaphone ?I disagree! Things are run differently in Southsward. We need titles so that people are royalty, in fact, everyone should be royalty. That way everyone will be rich and a knight. What do you have to say to that??

(Juby) ?Up in the Northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and all works fine. There is no power that controls. The people control as equals. This is how Mossflower should be.?

(John) ?But if everyone was forced to be one of the poor, then the world would be depressed as there would be no need for people to strive for betterment. What would it be like if there could never be advancement??

(Juby) ?Up in the Northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and all works fine. There is no power that controls. The people control as equals. This is how Mossflower should be.?

Retto seems to have heard enough, he is lowering his hand indicating that The Lady Shael may now get involved. She smiles and approaches the two conflicting sides. First she points her pointy finger at Juby. Juby is covering his eyes as he tries to avoid the gaze of the ?finger of pointyness.?

(Shael) ?Juby, you do understand that if no one would have titles, then we would have to take yours away??

(Juby) ?Up in the northlands, where I am from, we have no titles and ??

(Shael) ?Juby! Answer the question!?

(Juby) ?I had not really thought that I would have to also give up my title, too. Never mind, I will have all my protesters sit down and I will join the other Knights on stage.?

The Lady Shael is now pointing her pointy finger at John. ?And for you, have you thought that if everyone was knighted, then you would have no servants??

(John) ?Hum, interesting point, I like having servants. I will just take my place on stage and we will pretend that none of this happened.?

Ahh, the wisdom of the Admins cured up that problem rather quickly. Now back to ?

I don?t believe it, there is a third group of protesters coming from the South! It?s Julie and a hundred penguins in ninja suits! They are waddling up to the stage. Lets go down to the stage and see what is being said.

(Julie) ?I am the leader of an environmental group. We are protesting to the wearing of fur. We demand a royal proclamation that no one will wear fur from now on.?

(wolf bite) ?I think I can handle this. Now, Julie, we are animals, thus we all have fur. So unless you plan on everyone shaving their bodies, we can?t do much about it.?

(Julie) ?Well, ? Well, what about not wearing fur that does not belong to the person wearing it??

(wolf bite) ?That has never come up because as furry animals, we don?t need to wear any fur. But I can guarantee you that no one will ??

It seems wolf bite has stopped in deep thought, he is now looking over at Peace Alliance. Peace is now looking down sadly and reluctantly nodding.

(wolf bite) ?As I was saying, no one will ever wear fur that does not belong to them.?

That must have done it. Julie has joined the other Knights on stage and the show can finally continue.

(Nohc) ?I bring forth my candidate ? Nevadacow.? (applauds)

Someone has just lowered a banner on the building across from me. It says ?Way to go buddy ~ Signed Beatles.?

Nevadacow comes from the side of the stage and is dressed in shining silver. He kneels and is knighted by wolf bite. The Lady Shael hands him a flower and scratches behind his ear. His hind leg shakes momentarily like a dog.

(Retto) ?By the powers of all from the South to the North, you are hence forth to be known as .?

And now all have been knighted for this month. All the Admins stand in the front of the stage to wild cries from the crowds. All the knights now approach, pick up their weapons, and stand behind the Admins as the crowd gets even louder. Seems one of the knights are missing. Let me count.  1, 2, 3, ? 12 ? 21 ? 25 ? oh I see who is missing, seems Holby is not there. He must have fallen asleep when he fell off the stage and prefers to continue sleeping, it is daytime you know.

I hear in my ear that the closing ceremony has been canceled due to the time running over because of all the unexpected events.

The Admins and the knights are all waving. They are now heading into the castle for a private feast.

This has been Hog Pigsly live to you from KRWL, the voice of Redwall. All rights reserved. This broadcast may not be repeated with out the expressed ? (swack-slosh).

When the news breaks, turn to Hog Pigsly at KWRL. We are going now to the Admin spokesperson, StormClaw, from the pressroom to make the official announcement about the sniper. Storm ?

(          Buzz          )

Seems we are having some technical difficulties, back to you Storm ?

(          Buzz          )

Ah, we can?t reach StormClaw right now, but I have read the press release. The Admin Castle is reporting that the oatmeal sniper assailant has been caught. The name has not been released, but he is said to be a relatively unknown tourist. He is being held in the castle pending questioning. I for one am delighted. Now we can get back to the ceremony.

The halftime show has just begun as Calria is lining up her grammatically correct pigeons to recite a corrected version of the old scrolls. This should be highly interesting as the ?

This just in! Seems a close member of the Admin Castle has rumored that there is a cover up. It is being reported that the true assailant was none other then Boze! Unsubstantiated documents in the past have indicated that due to a mental illness, Boze has been kept in one of the highest ? (*smack*) OUCH! What the (postage stamp) did you do that for? ? ? I never heard of ? (*smack*) Now stop that! ? ? Where does it say that? ? ? No one told me that ? (*Smack*). I have to do what? ? ? That is just plan crazy? (*smack*) Okay, that hurts, I?ll do it.

I am now reading from the royal book of mossflower proclamations. (clears thought) It says here:

?Anyone that states, implies or otherwise indicates that Boze is mentally unstable will be hit on the head with a wet cabbage until he/she reads this law out loud and has revealed all their sources. ~ signed Boze?

Okay, will you guys get that cabbage out of my booth now? (*smack*) Hey I read the stupid law!!! ? ? No! I can?t reveal my sources, they are constitutionally protected under the (*smack*) Ouch! I said that ? (*smack*). Fine then, I got the tip from Dead Eye Investigations, there now, leave, I have a show to do. (*smack*) Now what is that for? ? ? awww, goodness hay stocks, now that is getting really cheap. (*smack*) Come on, it is no big deal for me to say that.

This is Hog Pigsly at KRWL and this station does not endorse Dead Eye Investigations and any similarity to a commercial endorsement was purely accidental because Dead Eye has not paid us any money.

I am sorry for you listeners that I was unable to turn off the microphones as the Admin Guards were in my booth. We will now get back to the show.

Calria is walking off the stage with her grammatically correct pigeons and the ceremony is now about to continue.

Retto is again taking the microphone. ?Come on everyone, lets hear it for Calria?s pigeons!? (clap) ?Now for our next Knight to present, I give you from the shadows ? Sir Ereptor.? (applauds)

There is a slight delay as two Admin Guards are pulling Dead Eye from the stage as a third one is hitting him in the head with a wet cabbage.

Sir Ereptor steps up to the front of the stage. He is now lowering his head to retto, the other knights, the castle, then finally the crowd. Screams are heard as he slowly raises his head and reveals his deep eyes seemingly to be burning through the hearts of the crowds.

(Ereptor) ?I have been here a long time and have made both many friends and enemies. I was rather surprised that the decision of the Admins was to give me the next candidate. Then I thought deeper to the ultimate wisdom. This candidate and I have had some fallings out over the ages, and maybe some in the future, but I learned this week that as knights, it is not who we fight, but what we fight for.  I give you your newest knight ? Orcrist.? (applauds)

Orcrist is now on stage and kneels in the center of the three Admins. The wolf lays his swords on the shoulder of Orcrist. Shael walks up and gives him a flower.  She pats him on the head and he looks up at her with a smile.  

(Retto) ?With the power of Redwall, I dub you ?

Ereptor puts his arm over Orcrist?s shoulder and the two of them walk to the back of the stage with the other knights.

Please stay tuned to this station because when we get back the last canadate will be knighted and the closing ceremony will commence.

And now a few words from our sponsor


(To be continued ?)

And ? we?rrrrre back. This is Hog Pigsly with KRWL, live to you from the Knighting ceremony. This has been real exciting so far, I can?t think of anything that would make it even more exciting. Seems the first person has been knighted and there is an unknown amount of more people soon to take center stage with the Admins to gain their titles. It seems Retto is about to speak again ?

?It is now time to ?? Retto seems to stop as something in the crowd has caught his attention. Hum, I can?t make it out. Oh, seems someone had fallen over in the crowd. It seems to be nothing, Retto is continuing ?

?Time now to introduce our next Knight to introduce their candidate for knighthood. I would like Sir Scarwake to approach the stage.?

Scarwake puts his arms in the air as the clapping starts. He is now approaching the center stage. What! He has fallen! (lol) Must be his drinking problem. No! ?  He has been shot! Another person in the crowd seems to have fallen! We have a sniper!

The Lady Shael, seemingly forgetting the value of her dress, has sprung over and tackled Retto to use her body as a human shield! My word, wolf has pranced into the air and landed with his legs on either side of the other Admins on the ground, his swords to either side of him awaiting a challenge!

All 30 wolves are now standing on their hind legs with dark glasses, barking into the undercover microphones where their sleeves would be, if they had sleeves. The line of knights are glancing at the rooftops of the buildings for where the shots are coming from.

(swack-slosh) AHHH, what was that! I think I am being fired on!

This is Hog Pigsly from under his desk at radio station KR ?  (Swack-slosh) Another near miss! What is this? I see a mess on the floor behind me. I don?t think I made it. It is ? it is ? oatmeal. This confirms it! We have an oatmeal sniper on the loose!

Let me peer over the desk and see what is going on. Seems the wolves have circled the Admins and the large wolf can still be seen standing in the middle. The wolf is pointing his sword at Peace, and now Ashyra, then at the top of the castle. The two of them nod and race up the drawbridge.

Retto can now be seen crawling forward to the front and standing up. ?Calm down everyone, it is just oatmeal, everything will be fine, oatmeal has a negative net worth so there is nothing to worry about. Yes, yes, now go back to your places.? The wolves all head back to their places at the front of the stage, Shael is dusting off her dress, and wolf bite is towering behind Retto to protect him just incase there are more shots fired of the sticky substance.

(Retto) ?Sir Scarwake, are you okay??

(Scarwake) ?Yes, was just caught off guard.?

(Retto) ?Then please inform the crowd who you will be introducing as a candidate.?

Sir Scarwake takes the microphone ?I am delighted to have the honor of being the one picked to introduce to you someone that has been my friend and loyal companion since we first both moved to Mossflower... I give to you Bloodwake!? (applauds)

Bloodwake has entered the stage. He is in his best vest and standing tall. He marches to Scarwake, they grab paws, and seem to be whispering as both are laughing. Oh, now wolf bite approaches and stands in front of Bloodwake. Bloodwake kneels and is knighted by the swords of his father. Yes, it is said the stories are true that they are of the same blood. As Bloodwake stands, the big wolf gives him a hug, and tears ran down the wolf?s jaw.

The Lady Shael hands Bloodwake a flower and gives a peck of a kiss on both cheeks.

(Retto) ?By the powers given to me by the Abbey, I declare your title to be .? (applauds)

This is surely an exciting moment here at Redwall. Not only have they knighted two people, but we still have an oatmeal sniper on the loose. Keep your radio station tuned right here for the latest news. This is Hog Pigsly and we will be back with the latest after this commercial message.


(To be continued ?)

(clears thought)

This is Hog Pigsly back to you at KWRL Radio live from the Admin Castle where the titling ceremony is under way. The Lord Retto is standing center stage, unmasked, and on ether side of him are wolf bite and The Lady Shael. With the opening ceremony completed, it is time for the Knighting to begin. The large wolf takes the microphone and steps to the front of the stage. No wait! Retto is walking up to him. They seem to be talking. My word! Wolf has handed the microphone to Retto. This is surely unplanned. Seems Retto will be doing the knighting himself. This is a first. Rarely has Retto's voice been heard live. He even does his ?live? singing lip-synced.

Everyone on the streets is climbing on each other?s backs to get a better view. The noise level is amazing as the crowd screams in anticipation.

I will go live to the microphone, here is Retto ?
?We---me. ? hap--- ---at you ?ll co--- -ak it ??

The crowd quiets down and Retto is starting over ?
?Welcome. I am happy you all could make it today? (applauds) ?Today we will be giving out titles? (applauds) ?Last week, the names of those to be titled were decided. The Admins picked a loyal and trustworthy previously knighted member of the community for each new person to be knighted. That Knight took his or her troops and stormed the castle of the soon to be knighted person. That person was taken to the knight?s castle and for the last week and has been taught the ways of knighthood from the Knight. The candidate was treated with the utmost respect and treated to banquets held in their honor. So now today, that knight will bring forth the candidate and they will be knighted.? (cheering)

?I would like to present Sir Holby to give the introduction for the candidate that has been staying with him for the last week.?

In the line of knights, Sir Holby straightens up to attention, then marches to the front of the stage. He bows to the Admin Castle, then Retto, then the crowd. Massive applauds are heard.

Lets go back to the stage and see what is being said, here is Sir Holby ?
?G?day all.? (applauds) ?I would like to introduce my candidate.? He turns to look at someone off stage. ?Bring forth the prisoner ? er, the candidate.?

Two of Holby?s soldiers are dragging in Kilk! He looks battered, malnourished and frankly filthy. Kilk is kicking and screaming fighting to get off stage. What in the world is going on here? Shael is giving a menacing look at Holby. Holby is slowly backing to the rear of the stage as Kilk is pulled to front center.

?I did not do it!? (cries Kilk).

The wolf walks up to Kilk ?What is going on??

Okay, Kilk is catching his breath. ?Good sir, I am too young to die. I swear that I am not a disguise of Josh. I am really me, none other.?

(wolf bite) ?Who said this to you??

(Kilk) ?After Holby?s army raided my castle, they threw me in his dungeon and claimed that I am Josh and that I was to be publicly beheaded!?

All 3 Admins turn to look for Holby. He is nowhere to be seen. Ah, I see him, he is hiding behind the oversized Windy, with a smirk on his face. Lucky the Admins cannot see him from their vantage point.

Retto speaks ?
?That is not correct, in fact you are here to be titled. You are long overdue and we apologize for any mistreatment you may have received.?

(Kilk) ?Thank goodness. But I tell you I was almost happy to die after a week with Holby. The guy sleeps during the day and is up all night talking about airplanes, what ever that is. This really was driving me crazy with no sleep and all this talk of flying contraptions.?

Retto nods in a soothing manner and all seems to be back to normal again. ?Then with the power of the abbey, I proclaim you ?

The wolf steps forward and lays his swords on the shoulders of Kilk as Kilk kneels. This is done to show the might that Redwall has become and the trust put into the new knight. Then The Lady Shael approaches and hands the new knight a flower as a symbol of the peace that Redwall could be.

Kilk is now standing back to the boldness that he is known for. He is about to speak ?
"I ask the Admins for one single thing to forgive the mistreatment I have received. Just one kiss.?  

(wolf bite) ?Not on your life.?

Shael is smiling, ?I think he meant from me. Sure you may good sir, just one kiss.?

Kilk walks up to Shael and they kiss. What a wonderful moment this is. The women in the crowd are both envious of Shael and jealous. As soon as this kiss ends we will get on our way.
...
...
...
Er ? um ? let me take this moment to talk about the history of knighthood. At one time the Admins simply knighted their loyal friends. Then the rules changed to a more fair method of knighting based on participation. But after that was abused, the knighting stopped for a long time. Now the Admins are trying to catch up and giving titles based the behavior of the public. They know that many critters deserve titles and are getting to them all as fast as possible. Please remember that if a person is not yet to be titled, does not mean they are not on the list to receive one. Also know that if a person finds their title offensive in anyway, they may request a change.

And as soon as this kiss ends, we can continue with the ceremonies. ? The guy has to come up for air eventually. Lets talk about the construction of the Abbey, at one time ?

Oh finally! I mean ? wasn?t that kiss wonderful? Kilk is now stepping back to the line of knights as he takes his place beside windy. Kilk has made a sudden move with his arm. Someone that looks a lot like Holby seems to have been pushed and fallen off the back of the stage.

And now for a word from our sponsor.

(to be continued ?)

(screech ? tap ? tap)

This is Hog Pigsly live to you from KRWL with the first broadcast on our new radio station made possible by Cluny?s Army. Be one of the counted, one of the few, join Cluny today!

Glancing out from the announcer?s booth, I can still see beasts rolling up their bags that have been waiting many days to reserve a good spot for the viewing.  It is only minutes away that the ceremony is scheduled to begin, and boy, do we have a show for you.
Across from me is the Admin Castle and the streets leading up to the drawbridge, decorated with banners of the of the various hordes that make up Redwall.  The crowd is piling in as they elbow for a better view. The roofs of the buildings are lined with watchers. This is surely going to be a day to remember. In front of the castle is a stage that is well decorated and built just for this occasion. Special thanks to the Veranor Construction Company for giving a discount rate on the building of such a wonderful multi-level stage. At Veranor they say ?A cave is but a hole in the ground unless you had Veranor built it.?

Oh, seems things are getting under way. The drawbridge to the castle is opening. You can just feel the tension as the crowd is jittering in suspense.  The bridge is down. I see some commotion in the darkness. Ah ? a marching band is emerging. It is none other then the award winning RWL University?s marching band lead by its beloved conductor Teufel. At the U of RWL your overpriced tuition is not an expense, but an investment.

The band marches in playing the RWL national anthem, ?Mice Eating Owls Are Evil.? The band lines the back of the stage as the crowd respectfully places their paws over their hearts. Let's be quiet and listen ?.

I just get so teary eyed when I hear that song. I can see that the crowd in the street is spreading. From my vantage point I can not see ? oh there it is ? The parade of Knights! They are all in full dress, what a sight to see! Side by side they march in. The crowd of cheering beasts spread like goat's milk as the knights proudly march in to the sound of the battle horns played by the band. This time of the month is the best for all, the one time that all the knights stand in unison. All differences are put aside as they come together for the greater good, that of RWL.

Here we go now, they are approaching the stage, an amazing sight. They all have lined the front of the stage. They have pulled out their weapons, saluted the crowd. Now they are turning to the castle. They all bow in respect and lay their weapons on the ground in front of them. Each one now is shaking the paw of all the other ones. Now they are moving to the back of the stage as the crowd wildly applauds. They have lined up in front of the band, still leaving their weapons at the front of the stage.

The band starts up again as down the street I see a carriage drawn by mice approach. Everyone is cheering because they know that the Lady of Redwall is inside.  Yes, none other then The Lady Shael! As it slows down before the stage all have quieted in anticipation of what gown she may be wearing. The footmen have now laid out the red carpet and are at the carriage door. There she is ? I'm trying to get a good look but she is still behind the carriage. Okay, it is pulling away as she becomes visible. Oh, I am sure no one will be disappointed. She is in a white gown. The neckline plunges, sleeveless, and there is a purple sash around the waist. The lower part has a train that has purple lines running down it. Let me let you enjoy the music as I pull out my notes ?

Oh yes! The cloth is made out of the finest silk from the far northlands and the purple is polished abalone. Surly one of the finest designs she has appeared in. The dress was hand stitched at Sha?s boutique and fashions, They are well know that they can fit a dress no matter how many legs you have.

I hear a load howl! That can only mean one thing. The wolf is approaching. Down the street I see, oh ? that was not expected. Must be 30 wolves on all fours coming down the street. Needless to say, many of the more timid viewers are scrambling away from the front of the viewing line in fear of becoming a meal. But no fear, I am sure no wolf would misbehave when their leader of the pack, the 6 foot long yellow wolf with green eyes known as Wolf Bite is directly behind them. And here he is walking erect, wearing his formal battle armor with one of his 2 broadswords on either side of his belt. He towers over the rest of the wolves, and most of the crowd as he marches up with a rigorous look on his face. When he gets to the bottom of the stage, he barks a command and all 30 wolves line the front of the stage poised in obedient fashion. Wolf Bite puts his arm around The Lady Shael and they both wave together to the crowd of cheering fans as the flashing camera snap away.

You too can have your own wolf bite, now available from Teufel Toys are wolf bite plushies. Don?t be the only one on your stream without one.

Now for what we have all been waiting for. The crowd all turns to look down the street for our mentor, our creator, our overseer, the one and only Retto the magnificent! ? I don?t see him yet. Ah ? The one and only Retto!  ? The crowd is silent as they await ? Retto!  Any moment now, the crowd will go crazy to see Retto! ?

Oh, there he is! He must have been in the castle and everyone was looking the wrong direction. The crowd is now going crazy as a dark capped figure standing in the center of the stage. The girls are going wild as they rush the stage. Now noticing the line of vicious wolfs, they back off to a safe distance but still are screaming. A chant has started ?Retto, Retto, Retto, ...? He raises his arms and the crowd silences. In a somber movement he grasps his hood and pulls it back. Oh my word, for the first time ever Retto is seen. Girls are passing out with the excitement. He is lowering his arms apparently trying to quiet the ordnance to no avail. Shael steps forward and points her finger out at the crowd with a threatening look, and all fall silent instantly.

Retto?s latest hits ?I Wanna Hold Your Paw? and ?Shake Your Tail? are now available on Ereptor?s Records LLC.

And now for a word from our sponsor.


(To be continued? )